The Walking Thread

I think Michonne's expression speaks for all of us.
(Spoilers lurch undeadly herein.)

Hey! Speaking of spoilers, one of the things I love (DO NOT LOVE) about The Walking Dead is how their "Previously on this garbage show" montage at the beginning of every episode contains massive spoilers. Like, for instance, how this week they showed that "previously" there was a character called Merle who escaped by cutting his hand off. HA HA PERFECT! That really enhanced the surprise of Merle returning with an ungraded zombie-killing arm, didn't you think?! Knowing it was coming made it so much MORE special.

I know the idea is to help out the viewers who came into this shitfest after episode three or whatever, but COME ON! Maybe let the stragglers Google who the fuck Merle is after the episode! Maybe provide a helpful URL onscreen to the Walking Dead Wiki! Jesus Jones! Leave it to this show to punish you for being a regular viewer!

Y'know—just in case actually watching the show wasn't already punishment enough.

ANYWAY!

Michonne's armless and jawless pack-zombies were really creeping me out, so good riddance to them. That was the best part of the episode. Which was another snoozer of an episode from the writers who brought us Season 2: Interminable Zombie Farm.

This should have been an exciting episode because NEW CHARACTERS! Plus Merle. The problem is that the new characters are just Grimes Gang 2.0. I mean, the writers are either totally taking the piss or they're even lazier and less creative than I even imagined, because Grimes Gang 2.0 had a sneering patriarch, a hillbilly (who is the actual brother of Grimes Gang 1.0's hillbilly!), a black guy, an Asian guy, a churchy brunette white girl, a doctor... Good lord.

The only way to tell these Grimes Gangs apart is that Grimes Gang 2.0 has a low-rent Michael Emerson running around being sycophantic and nerdy.

The leader of Grimes Gang 2.0, Governor Niam Leeson, runs a tight Truman Show and is, for the record, not a man who sits pretty. Don't even think that he is. Like Grimes 1.0, he has lots of GREAT IDEAS. For instance: Murdering a bunch of friendly, unzombified army dudes for their food and weapon reserves, because trained military men would totally not be useful in defending Dystopiaberg from the zombie horde.

Oh! Another way to tell these two gangs apart is that Governor Niam Leeson has an aquarium display full of zombie heads. It's pretty cool, I guess. (IT IS NOT COOL.) The ZOMG MUSIC! during the reveal suggested that I was supposed to be HORRIFIED, but I was not horrified. I was thinking, "Where is this cool man-cave with the leather club chair and neat zombiequarium display? Is it on the set of a 90s serial killer thriller starring Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman? BECAUSE IT SURE LOOKS LIKE IT."

Ugh this show.

Discuss.