Why Felix Baumgartner Is Great

For all of you (Deeky! Kevin Wolf!) who were unimpressed by Felix Baumgartner's SPACE JUMP!, Flula helpfully explains Why Felix Baumgarter Is Great.

Flula, a young white German man, is onscreen, standing beside a stream and wearing an Oscar Wilde t-shirt, red fanny-pack, and grey jeans. He says (with quick-edits throughout):

These are my reasons why Felix Baumgartner is great: Felix Baumgartner is amazing! Have you seen this person? He's like in a tiny little balloon, and then the balloon is going up for like hours and hours; he had been training for like five years; he like the boy in Rambo, you know, or Rocky, or what is it? The Sylvester Stallone and punching! What is this? This is what he have do!

He like drinking 800 Red Bulls, because they are sponsoring. [mimes pounding Red Bulls] He wear astronaut suit, like Neily Armstrong, and then PFFFTZZZT! He just falling, right? TWENTY-FOUR MILES! WHAT?! Floatsy floatsy, yeah? [mimes floating] This is a new thing, yeah? This is like, you know, Teabowing [mimes Tim Tebow move; text onscreen #Tebowing] and what is the other thing? Oh, planksing? [mimes planking; text onscreen #Planksing] Planksing or what. We have new photo moving with Baumgartnering. Ready? [jumps in air and poses for snapshots; text onscreen: #Baumgartering; he lands and his fanny pack hits his prunes] Ouch.

[rapping] Felix Baumgartner in an astronaut suit! Felix Baumgartner in an astronaut suit! Felishhhuzzz [speaking again] It's hard to say Felix Baumgartner. I am German and it is hard to say. He must change his name to, like, Tom Spaceman. It's not like a good rap name, but he is still a dope dude!

If you are in an alley place, who are you scared of? Lil Wayne or Felix Baumgartner, right? Lil Wayne is like, [small voice] "I have more tattoos! I'm gonna punch you with my tears, that are tattooed." [points to face where Lil Wayne sports teardrop tattoos] Baumgartner's like, [booming voice] "I'll just drop 24 miles in a suit. Waaahhhhh!" [regular voice] Who you scaring of? [beat boxing] Baum Baum chickee Baumgartner! [booming voice] "Waaahhhhh!" [regular voice] And I grab Lil Wayne like a baby [mimes scooping up a baby in his arms], we run down the street away [mimes running while holding a baby] because Felix is tough boy. You don't f— You know!

[rapping] Felix Baumgartner in an astronaut suit! Dropped twenty-four miles with a parachute! [mimes jump and parachute opening like a bomb going off]

So, in concluding: Felix Baumgartner is great!

Watch out, Felix! I am coming, too! I'm going to jump really high as well, like, from space! So I'm training! [jumps on trampoline] Let's go! [jumps higher] Ten centimeter—right! Twenty centimeter—right! Thirty centimeter—OH SCHEISSE! [flies off trampoline]

Text Onscreen: Subscribe it to Flula.

In background, Flula says: He like fool science! You know, science is like, [professorial voice] "You cannot do it. We're sorry. It's science. Those are rules." And Felix is like, [rude gesture; blows raspberry] "I'm going to do it because I am smart and I have astronaut and watch out skies!"

Now you know.