Bill Bennett, Stop, You Are Killing Me!

Bill Bennett, last seen making us laugh with his treatise on how the meanie poophead Democrats won the election by playing identity politics (oh my aching sides), is back with more of his very solid theories: "Why Liberalism Will Ultimately Fail."

Obviously, as I'm sure I don't need to tell you, the whole piece is GREAT, but this is definitely my favorite part:

For the college student struggling with student loan debt, the single mother who can barely afford to provide for her children, the minority family in the inner city struggling to find work, liberalism offers immediate relief: subsidized student loans, national health care and entitlements for the elderly and the poor.

Rather than waiting on free markets to correct themselves and start creating wealth again, liberalism's cure is immediate, and so are the political payoffs. This explains partly why many voters feel liberals care about them more than conservatives.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL! THIS MAN IS A PAID CONTRIBUTOR TO CNN! LOL!

Talk about projection: The reason conservatism is failing is because the idea that wealth created by free (rigged) markets will magically trickle down to the "inner city"—or, you know, much of rural Real America^TM—and rescue struggling people from entrenched, systemic, generational poverty has been COMPREHENSIVELY DISCREDITED.

If struggling people helped by liberal policies waited for "relief" care of trickle-down economics, they would be waiting FOREVER. And, although Bill Bennett may be stupid enough to believe otherwise, the people in need of immediate help are not.

Any conservative who can continue to make the incredible argument that wealth is shared from the top down while insufferable millionaires are endlessly whining pitiably about a moderate tax increase is a fucking joke. If your position depends on some fantasy about the greediest, stingiest, most selfish fucks in the developed world sharing their wealth with the hoi polloi, via job creation or increased taxation or philanthropy, instead of screaming BOOTSTRAPS! into the faces of starving children, your position is garbage and you are a monster.

Get fucking real.