How to Stay Relevant

Former Alaska Governor and former Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has a new book coming out later this year, reportedly titled A Happy Holiday IS a Merry Christmas. Ha ha great title! I love this book already. One hundred copies, please!

HarperCollins announced Monday that the book will criticize the "over-commercialism" and "homogenization" of Christmas and call for a renewed emphasis on the religious importance.

"Amidst the fragility of this politically correct era, it is imperative that we stand up for our beliefs before the element of faith in a glorious and traditional holiday like Christmas is marginalized and ignored," Palin said in a statement released through her publisher. "This will be a fun, festive, thought provoking book, which will encourage all to see what is possible when we unite in defense of our faith and ignore the politically correct Scrooges who would rather take Christ out of Christmas."

...According to the publisher, the book will advocate "reserving Jesus Christ in Christmas – whether in public displays, school concerts (or) pageants. Palin also "will share personal memories and traditions from her own Christmases and illustrate the reasons why the celebration of Jesus Christ's nativity is the centerpiece of her faith."

Now, bear in mind that I am a hell-bound atheist who only had 18 years of Lutheran indoctrination followed by four years at a Catholic University, at which I minored in theology in actual classes with actual titles like "Old Testament," "New Testament," and "Jesus Christ," so far be it from me to tell the Good Lady Palin what "the centerpiece of her faith" is, but I am pretty sure the centerpiece of most Christians' faith is the Easter holiday, including Good Friday and Ascension, when the Christian lord and savior who was specifically sent to die for Christians' sins did that thing, then rose from the dead and flew to heaven.

Not that Christmas isn't super fun and shit, but without the whole "died for your sins" bit, it's just the birthday of some dude with a powerful dad. And Romneymas just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Anyway. Whatever. I look forward to reading all of Sarah Palin's cool ideas about getting back to the purity of REAL Christmas celebrations. Like getting rid of those goddamn pagan conifers.