This is a real thing in the world.

[Content Note: Homophobia; HIV+ prejudice; rape culture.]

This is the actual public testimony of "concerned Minnesotan, father, and husband" Mike Frey, given yesterday at a public hearing on marriage equality in the Minnesota State House. His major concern about marriage equality is the cost to Minnesota taxpayers of all the AIDS that same-sex marriage will cause, and he's got a lot of excellent facts to back him up:

[Frey asks to have a packet of information [sic] handed out to the committee members]

My name is Mike Frey, and I speak as a concerned Minnesotan, and father, and a husband. And the thing about same sex marriage is that people who are married do have sex. And when same-sex people are married, they do have sex—there's something called sodomy. Sodomy defined in Minnesota is sex by or with the mouth or through the anus. When there is ejaculation into a vagina, there is a barrier there — as in your packet it states there — of a cellular tissue that doesn't allow the sperm, that has an enzyme at the head of it, to penetrate the blood flow. It is designed to go to the egg — that enzyme is designed to burn the outside membrane of the egg cell — go inside the egg, and then deposit the DNA. We call that conception.

When ejaculation occurs inside of a colon — it is a highly absorbent material — the cells do not have a barrier for the sperm, and those enzymes to enter into the bloodflow. When the enzymes enter into the bloodflow and a continued, prolonged, um, environment to that happens these enzymes into bloodflow it causes what we know as AIDS — Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. And AIDS of course brings on common diseases, colds and things, and it magnifies them to a point where it's unhealthy. Not only does it strengthen the disease within the carrier of AIDS — the person that has a destroyed immune system — but it also strengthens the disease that can be spread to the society at large.

There is an example in Los Angeles County, California, where among the gay community a rash almost like boils, and a very raw skin broke out on the hands, feet, butt, mouth of these gay communities and they couldn't find a cure for it for a long time. Their doctors called the Centers for Disease Control and they couldn't find this cure for it. The cure they found, a very extrenuous [sic] antibiotic, was Zyvox. It cost $2,400 for one course of use.

I urge you to vote against the changes inside this bill, because it's going to put a health risk for the society at large, and it's going to put a financial burden on the people of Minnesota to be able to support all the diseases that will come out of this. Thank you so much for your time.

Thanks for all the solid info, Dr. Genius!

All these years, I was under the impression that unmarried straight, gay, and bi people can have sex. And that not all married people have sex. And that lots of straight and bi people are into sodomy. And that lesbians exist. And that the reason half of the world's HIV/AIDS population are female is, in fact, because of our "biological vulnerability to HIV infection" which makes us "twice more likely to become infected with HIV through unprotected heterosexual intercourse than men." GLAD TO HAVE ALL THAT CLEARED UP!

This guy is the fucking worst. I have seen some rank homophobia in my day, and burying it behind Jesus and "tradition" are terrible enough, but burying it behind a garbage science lesson and fearmongering about the public cost of HIV/AIDS is somehow extra terrible.

And, frankly, Mr. Frey had better hope that the government is not persuaded to start legislating against unions whose sexual consequences could cost the taxpayers money, as long as we're still funding public education for schoolchildren.

Anyway. One final thought: Who the fuck are these conservative dudes who imagine cis women have magic vaginas?! We can stop pregnancy after rape with our magic vaginas! We can stop the transmission of HIV with our magic vaginas! We can stop speeding bullets with our magic vaginas!

Would that my magic vagina could stop these dipshits from talking.

[H/T to The Captain.]