Astronaut George Clooney (sure) and Astronaut Sandra Bullock (definitely) are floating in outer space doing some astronaut stuff, and the sun is rising over the part of Earth at which they're gazing, and Astronaut Clooney calls it "terrific" in the exact same way my middle school shop teacher said my sad-ass woodworking project was "terrific." The sunrise is rather more spectacular than my garbage birdhouse, so muster a little enthusiasm, Clooney!YIKES. Now, I can sit through a movie like The Blair Witch Project, or whatever found footage bullshit is currently making people pass out and barf in theaters if their hyperbolic advertising is to be believed, without a flinch or even passing evidence of interest flickering on my face in between my disinterested yawns, but movies like Open Water and Open Water 2: We're Gonna Need a Smaller Boat terrify me! And this is like Open Water 3: This Time It's in Space, so sign me up to be terrified!
Everything in space is so peaceful, and accompanied by twinkly piano-and-strings music, until BOOM! SOMETHING CRASHES INTO THE APPARATUS TO WHICH THEY'RE SUPPOSEDLY SAFELY ATTACHED OMG! Astronaut Bullocks (typo and it stays) frantically reaches for something to stop herself floating out into space, but she CAN'T REACH ANYTHING, and so off she floats holy shit.
"Anybody? Please copy," she whispers, as she tumbles into the void.
Unless I have been deceived by the lack of a prominent Snow Patrol and/or Colbie Caillat song, and this movie was secretly written by Nicholas Sparks, and Astronaut Bullock is flying into outer space so she can get rescued by a handsome angel played by a Hemsworth brother. In which case: PASS.
Shakesville is run as a safe space. First-time commenters: Please read Shakesville's Commenting Policy and Feminism 101 Section before commenting. We also do lots of in-thread moderation, so we ask that everyone read the entirety of any thread before commenting, to ensure compliance with any in-thread moderation. Thank you.
blog comments powered by Disqus