Film Corner: Grown Ups 2

I have written, somewhere between ten and one hundred biebillion times, variations on the following:

Implicit in feminism/womanism is not only the belief, but the expectation, that men are not brutish nor infantile—nor stupid, useless, inept, emotionally stunted, or any other negative stereotype feminists have been accused of promoting—but instead our equals just as much as we are theirs, capable not only of understanding feminism (and feminists), but of actively and rigorously engaging challenges to their socialization, too.

Feminists, of course, have the terrible reputation, but it isn't we who consider all men babies, dopes, dogs, and potential rapists. The holders of those views are the women and men who root for the patriarchy—which itself, after all, takes a rather unpleasantly dim view of most people.

Exhibit A: The trailer for Grown Ups 2, a film written, directed, produced, edited, scored, and cast by men, starring four extremely rich, influential, successful men who can write their own paychecks by making whatever kind of material they want for themselves.


Video Paraphrase: Montage blah blah fart with male voiceover reminding us that Grown Ups was a real film in the world. Mother-in-law joke. A deer pees on Adam Sandler in his bedroom. They've all moved back to their hometown because it's a great place to raise a family and their kids can ride their bikes to school because nothing terrible ever happens to children in small towns. Grown-ass adult David Spade rides through traffic inside a tractor tire, narrowly avoids death. His pals Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, and Kevin James bicker over who gets to go next. Adam Sandler doesn't want his daughter to have breasts when she grows up. "They're not growing up without a fight," says the voiceover, about FOUR ADULT MEN, THREE OF WHOM ARE MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN. They go to a cliff over a lake from which they used to dive when they were kids and get into a confrontation with four frat boys whose leader is Jacob Twilight. Montagery of so much blah fart stupidity: Fighting with lacrosse players, boobs, shooting at each other from go-karts, a "secret table" that replaces beer with juice when a wife shows up. Good grief. Back to the cliff, where Jacob Twilight tells them, inexplicably, that they have to jump in naked. Which they do, because THEY REFUSE TO GROW UP. They are heroes, you harpy! Adam Sandler jumps off the cliff, screaming. Chris Rock jumps off the cliff, screaming. David Spade jumps off the cliff, screaming. Kevin James jumps off the cliff screaming. Splash! Splash! Splash! The crowd gasps. SPLAAAAAAAAASH! HA HA KEVIN JAMES IS FAT! He lands on David Spade, who screams, "I was inside you! AHHHHHHHHHH!"

I rest my case, Your Honor.