Jimmy Connors Is a Jerk

[Content Note: Hostility to agency and consent.]

Retired tennis player Jimmy Connors recently wrote a biography to be released this week in which he writes about his fellow tennis player and former partner Christ Evert's abortion while they were together. He did this without seeking her consent to disclose this information.

Jess has written a great piece about it: "Jimmy Connors Shouldn't Be Talking About Chris Evert's Abortion."

In our country, despite Roe v. Wade, there is an incredible amount of political and religious debate around this particular medical procedure. Due to debates around personhood, when life begins, and women's right to their bodily autonomy, abortion is a personal decision that is both constantly politicized and discussed in terms of the morality of the person who chooses to get an abortion.

One in three women in the United States will have an abortion in her lifetime, and yet there is a feeling in our country that those who have abortions should feel bad about it.

...Exhale Pro-Voice, an organization that helps people after they have an abortion and documents people's abortion stories (both privately and publicly), has published "A Storysharing Guide for Ethical Advocates" (pdf) on how to tell someone else's abortion story. The very first item on their list of how to do ethical storysharing is to "gain informed consent" from the person whose story you are going to tell. And you do so because the results of telling one's abortion story can be very hard and they should have a hand in deciding if they want their story out in the open. "People who experience stigma can feel alone and isolated," the guide states, "and they will often keep their feelings, stories, and experiences to themselves, rather than risk judgment or criticism." Renee Bracey Sherman, an abortion access activist, who has told her abortion story in very public venues including the BBC, says the result of putting herself out there has sometimes been negative, especially from people who oppose abortion: "I have had anti-abortion protestors invade my personal space and harass me—which is physically not safe for me or those who are with me, and keeps my family in a state of worry."

For Exhale Pro-Voice, the entire reason for practicing "ethical storysharing" when it comes to telling another's abortion story is to "make sure that the person [who had the abortion is in] the center of the storytelling process and ensures that her rights, needs, and leadership are supported and respected throughout the process." Bracey Sherman says that anyone who tells someone else's abortion story as Connors has done can make the person who had the abortion "feel violated and adds to the shame that folks who have had abortions may already feeling." Beyond that, it can have real-life consequences. "When someone shares your experience for you," Bracey Sherman says, "especially without your permission, they put you and your story out into the world in a way that could have grave consequences—family shaming, intimate partner violence, mental health stress, loss of a job, etc."

I encourage you to read the whole thing.

That Connors felt okay about sharing this story without Evert's permission, and has tried to justify it by saying it's his story, too, is the result of the infuriating "decision between a woman and [her partner/doctor/minister]" frame, of treating abortion as something other than an individual healthcare decision. Because, no matter with whom a woman (or any other pregnant person) consults before making that decision, ultimately it is her decision alone (or should be), because it is a decision about what happens with her body.

I will also briefly note the rich irony of Connors implying he's upset he didn't get more say in Evert's decision, then turning around and disclosing her decision without her consent. "I hated how you made a decision without consulting me. So I am going to do the same thing to you, BUT WAY MORE PUBLICLY." Forgive me if I don't feel any sympathy for his predicament.