Quote of the Day

[Content Note: Misogyny; victim-blaming; gender essentialism.]

"Touch his face. Hold his hand. Look into his eyes. Talk to him. ... Make a home so wonderful that he doesn't wanna wander."—Pat Robertson, offering some TERRIFIC advice to a woman whose husband cheated on her and asked for help on how to forgive him.

There is so much wrong with this claptrap, I hardly know where to begin.

There's no objective, universal "correct" response to infidelity. If a couple (or multiple-partner group) can work through it and stay together, good for them. If the cheated-on partner in a couple (or group) cannot get past it, for any reason, and needs to move on, best of luck on your journey. The only thing that doesn't work is stasis—existing in a suspended state of grievance and mistrust. It's not fair to anyone involved.

Also not fair? Telling a betrayed spouse that it's society's fault and her fault that her husband cheated and definitely not his fault. Making wild-ass assumptions about the nature of the cheating, and pretending that having sex "with a stripper in a hotel room ten years ago" is no biggie. Exhorting women to prioritize attendance at their (maybe existent?) kids' baseball games over their own emotional health. (As if a father couldn't attend Little League games after a divorce.) Suggesting it's possible to have a "happy family" when one of the partners is wracked with discontent over a profound betrayal. Telling that insecure and resentful and sad and hurt partner that it's her responsibility to fix everything. Good grief.

This fucking guy.

Kristi Watts, 700 Club co-host, a young black woman, reading a viewer email: Ivy writes in and says: "I've been trying to forgive my husband for cheating on me. We have gone to counseling, but I just can't seem to forgive, nor can I trust. How do you let go of the anger? How do you trust again? God says to forgive, but it's been so hard to do. I want to forgive, so we can get on with our lives."

Pat Robertson, 700 Club co-host, an old white man: So, what you do think?

Watts: Well, that's a good question. I think forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things in the whole wide world to do, and, especially when it comes to a spouse, because that's one of the ultimate betrayals.

Robertson: All right, here's the secret.

Watts: Okay.

Robertson: This is the secret: Stop talking about the cheating! He cheated on you. Well, he's a man. Okay, so, what you do is begin to focus on why you married him in the first place. On what he does good. [counts off on his fingers] Does he provide a home for you to live in? Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Uh, is he nice to the children? Do you have a happy family? Does he take the kids to sporting events? Does he go out and watch their Little League games? Um, does he share with you stuff that's going on? And, uh, is he handsome? Or is he—you know, what is he? Start focusing on those things and essentially fall in love with him all over again.

And I recommend that you reach out and touch him. Touch his face. Touch his face! Hold his hand. Look into his eyes. Talk to him. But it's you—you're praying: "Oh, God, keep me not to hate him for what he did when he was with that stripper in that hotel room ten years ago, and I'll never forgive him kind of thing, please help me." So what are you focusing on? You're focusing on the thing that makes you mad. Stop that! Start focusing on the good stuff. And—he must have something, or you wouldn'ta married him. So think about those things, and give him honor instead of trying to worry about it.

But recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to, uh, wander a little bit. And what you wanna do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn't wanna wander. But think of the temptations that're out there—the, the internet is filled with pornography; the, uh, magazines are filled with pictures, salacious pictures, of women. You look—anywhere you turn around, there's some solicitation to the senses to entice a man!

And so what you have to do is say: "My husband was captured. And I wanna get him free. But reach out and think of the good stuff. And then begin to thank God that you have a marriage that is together and that, you know, that you live in America and good things are happening.