Santorum 4 Prez

Rick Santorum still wants to be president. Of the country. Despite the fact he couldn't get elected president of his local Moose Lodge. Which probably don't even have presidents. But it wouldn't stop Rick Santorum from running. And he'd still lose. To anyone else. Anyway.

Almost everybody has written off Rick Santorum as a 2016 contender — everybody, that is, except Rick Santorum.

Behind the scenes, the former Pennsylvania senator is quietly preparing for another presidential run. Trips to Iowa are in the works, he's meeting daily with his advisers, and he's already fine-tuning his message for the early primaries.

That message? That his party has been taken over by elites from "big East Coast cities" who don't understand that the Republican Party needs to appeal to people in working class towns. Which I have to admit is pretty smart. Since the Republican Party has never tried pandering to the white working class before. *that face*

"I've always thought that the Republican party can do well with the middle of America, with people that work hard and have a family," he says.

This fucking guy. What a thinker! No one in the Republican Party has ever devised such a cunning strategy as to sneer at big city elites and appeal to "middle America" with race-baiting, homophobic, Christian supremacist dogwhistles about "people who work hard and have a family." How does this genius come up with this stuff?!

Back in December, [Santorum's longtime strategist, John Brabender] hosted a Christmas party in Northern Virginia for Santorum's inner circle that served as a reunion — and as an informal strategy session. Over drinks at the River Creek Club in Leesburg, Va., the senator's friends and allies debated the pros and cons of another run.

By midnight, the consensus was clear: "The boss," as his friends call him, should jump into the 2016 race, if at all possible.

Well, listen, when your friends whom you pay to work for you on political campaigns decide that you've got to run for president, then you've got to run for president. Taking the career advice of friends who call you "the boss" because you are literally their boss is just solid decision-making.

For now, Santorum's nonprofit organization, Patriot Voices, is his chief vehicle for staying in play. He's working to develop the group into a film and educational outfit that informs voters about issues he considers important.

I don't know about y'all, but I can't WAIT to see Masturbating Fetuses: A Patriot Voices Production. Starring Rick Santorum as Dr. Coolio Stethoscope. Who is not just a doctor, but also THE PRESIDENT OF AMERICA.

[H/T to Jordan.]