Pinterest Your Way Out of Purgatory!

Worried about the months or years you may spend in Purgatory? GOOD NEWS! The Vatican is dispensing indulgences to Pope Francis's social media followers:

In its latest attempt to keep up with the times the Vatican has married one of its oldest traditions to the world of social media by offering "indulgences" to followers of Pope Francis' tweets.

The church's granted indulgences reduce the time Catholics believe they will have to spend in purgatory after they have confessed and been absolved of their sins.

The remissions got a bad name in the Middle Ages because unscrupulous churchmen sold them for large sums of money. But now indulgences are being applied to the 21st century.

..."That includes following Twitter," said a source at the penitentiary, referring to Pope Francis' Twitter account, which has gathered seven million followers. "But you must be following the events live. It is not as if you can get an indulgence by chatting on the internet."

...Apart from the papal Twitter account, the Vatican has launched an online news portal supported by an app, a Facebook page, and it plans to use the online social networking site Pinterest.

"What really counts is that the tweets the Pope sends from Brazil or the photos of the Catholic World Youth Day that go up on Pinterest produce authentic spiritual fruit in the hearts of everyone," said Celli.

You know, I've been saying for a while that the Vatican seems hell-bent on sparking another major schism or Reformation, what with its handling of social justice seeking nuns, and covering up rape and just generally rolling the church back into the 15th century.

But this one is, erm, definitely interesting. And of course not at all open to misinterpretation or abuse or just plain confusing Catholics about how, exactly, indulgences are supposed to work. AHEM!

I feel like old Johannes Tetzel would be jealous. He's the 15th/16th century clergyman who sold indulgences on a grandly captitalist scale, allegedly composing a brilliant (if pre-Mad Men) advertising jingle, "As soon as a coin in the coffer rings / the soul from purgatory springs."

What about it Shakers? Does the pope need some catchy new rhymes to help promote his Penitential Pinterest, his Feria Facebook, his Trinitarian Twitter? Here's my contribution:

"When the Tweet Deck makes a squeak/Your soul is purged for one less week."

(Hmmm. Needs work, maybe. Feel free to share your contributions in comments.