She Was Gonna

[Content Note: Harassment; violence; misogyny.]

She was gonna write this thing about how she is tired, exhausted to her very bones, to the fibers of her marrow, of men who want to hurt women. Not even the men who hurt women because of their ignorance, their privilege, their insensitivity, the luxury of not having to even identify the harm they cause. The men whose intent (that important word! the word that dictates every receipt of her emotions, and whether she is allowed to feel them!) is malicious. The men who actively desire to hurt women. To scare us. To silence us. To make us bleed.

She was gonna write it. She started to write it. And then she stopped.

She stared at the words on the screen, and she thought about how, if she wrote it, if she finished those words and published it and let minutes pass, the men whose intent is malicious would respond. In the way that they do.

She was gonna talk about them, but then she thought about how talking about them is an invocation.

So she didn't.