Remember in Season One of Breaking Bad when we got a glimpse of Jesse Pinkman's failing chemistry test on which Mr. White had admonished him in red ink to APPLY HIMSELF? Ha ha Jesse has finally decided to APPLY HIMSELF, and he is APPLYING HIMSELF 100% to nailing Walt's ass to the wall! GOOD DECISION, JESSE! Jesse is not generally known for good decisions, but this is one decision of which we can all approve, for sure!
I don't know about y'all, but I basically need a tranquilizer after every episode of Breaking Bad now, because EVERYTHING IS SO INTENSE! There are only three episodes left, and it will be a miracle if I get through them without succumbing to anxiety!
So, Jesse is working with Hank to take down Walt, WHO IS SO TERRIBLE OMG WALT YOU ARE THE WOOOOOORST, and Marie is going to explode into a shower of purple stars if Walt is not held accountable for ALL THE THINGS, and Skylar has gone all in with Walt in stubborn resistance of viewing herself as his victim, and Todd and Lydia are nightmares, and Saul is losing it, and Walt Jr. hopes you have an A-1 day!
In last night's episode, we find out that Todd can't cook the meth as pure or as blue as Walt could, because his brainpan is too clogged with murderous instincts and urges to creep on Lydia for there to be any space left for SCIENCE. Lydia tells him to get his shit together, but he doesn't have time to worry about the boss lady's dissatisfaction, because Walt sends up the MURDER SIGNAL and tells Todd he needs his uncle's white supremacist gang to murder Jesse tout de suite!
NOOOOOOOOOOO JESSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Luckily, Jesse remains in the loving embrace of Hank, who doesn't actually care if Jesse gets murdered, as long as he gets Walt. Which is because he only knows Jesse as a junky murderer who shot someone in the face, and doesn't appreciate his tortured soul and adorable face like we do. STOP REMINDING US THAT JESSE IS A MURDERER, HANK! Ya jerk!
Hank and his BFF Gomey realize that they still need to get evidence on Walt. (Wait—don't they work for the United States government? Evidence schmevidence!) So they cook up a plan that involves a fake picture of Jesse playing dead next to bloody brains procured from a butcher, convincing Huell that Walt's fixing to kill him, and another fake picture of Walt's buried monies.
Meanwhile, Walt agrees to COOK THE BLUE SHIT one last time in exchange for the Swastika-necks murdering the fuck out of Jesse (WIN-WIN FOR EVERYONE!), and tries to outmaneuver both Hank and Jesse, who he doesn't realize are working together, by getting Brock's mom to call Jesse, because everyone knows that Jesse the Murderer has a soft spot for kids which is adorable HANK. But Hank intercepts the message, thus preventing Jesse from careening directly into Walt's trap, and Hank says, "Nice try, asshole," which makes me laugh only slightly less than I do when Gomey refers to Jesse as "Timmy Dipshit."
TIMMY DIPSHIT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Also! There was a very excellent scene of Walt talking to Saul with a Better Call Saul billboard in the background. And Saul told Walt, Jr.: "Don't drink and drive. But if you do, call me!" Saul is the best.
Anyway! Jesse texts the fake pic of Walt's monies to him and tells him to get the fuck to the desert before he burns it all. Walt goes running out of the carwash, where Skylar is worriedly pacing about whether Jesse is DEAD YET GEEZ, and it's interesting to get a glimpse of how Skylar isn't pure evil (like her terrible husband who is the worst), but instead sees Jesse Pinkman, quite rightly, as the guy who tried to burn her house down. It's another brilliant Breaking Bad THING, one of those THINGS at which the writers of Breaking Bad are SO GREAT, that Skylar's hardline on Jesse resides firmly in her fear that he will hurt her children, when her children are the last people that Jesse would ever hurt.
And Walt knows this. But he would never tell her. None of which is explicitly spelled out in the show, but it's just there, waiting for us to think about it and appreciate how brilliant it is.
So Walt drives out to the desert, screaming into the phone at Jesse all the murdery terrible things he's done, and telling Jesse that he did all of them to protect Jesse, a classic abuser move, and all of us scream at the television OH MY FUCKING GAWD HE IS ADMITTING EVERYTHING PLEASE JESUS JONES LET HANK BE RECORDING THIS PHONE CALL!!! or something proximate.
And then Walt gets to the desert, the site of their first ever cook in the RV, scene of the flying pants, and his money is undisturbed, and he realizes the gig is up. OR IS IT? He calls his white supremacist friends and tells them Jesse's coming to kill him and gives them the coordinates of his location, but then tells them NO DON'T COME DON'T COME! when Jesse shows up with Hank and Gomey SHIIIIIIIIT!
IT IS SO TENSE AND DRAMATIC as Walt drops his handgun and gives himself up and is handcuffed by Hank. HAAAAAAAAAAANK!!! Hank reads him his rights, and Walt stares at Jesse, and then snarls at him: "Coward." Jesse spits in his face and IT IS AWESOME. And then Hank puts Walt in the backseat of the SUV and Gomey puts Jesse in Walt's muscle car, and Hank calls Marie and tells her he loves her and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK VINCE GILLIGAN DEFINITELY WANTS ME TO THINK HANK IS GONNA DIE and no sooner am I building up ten metric fucktons of panic than the Swastika-necks show up and they so don't give a fuck that Walt's in the SUV whooooooooooooops and there is so much shooting and THEN IT ENDS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?! Is Hank dead?! Is Gomez dead?! Gomez is definitely dead, right? Or is Hank dead, and Gomez is alive, and he's going to make Hank a posthumous hero? ARE THEY BOTH DEAD?! They can't both be dead!!! Is Jesse dead?! How is Jesse going to get out of there?! Is he going to be able to sneak out and get Walt's discarded handgun and then take Walt hostage so the Swastika-necks don't kill him?! Is he not getting out of there at all?! We know Walt gets out of there SOMEHOW, but DOES ANYONE GET OUT OF THERE WITH HIM?! AHHHHHHHHHH! THIS SHOW!
I love the pacing of this season. I am also super glad the show is ending, not just because my constitution can't take any more stress but because it's ending when it should—when I am excited for it to end in an amazing race to the finish. Bryan Cranston said the show ending now is like retiring right after winning the Super Bowl, and while American football metaphors are the worst, he is correct.
Discuss.
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