What in Charlie Sheen Hell Is This?!

Below, the trailer for the new CBS fall comedy, We Are Men, in which "Four single guys liv[e] in a short-term apartment building [and] find camaraderie over their missteps in love":


Video Description: A young thin white man runs through traffic to burst into a wedding chapel in which a young thin white woman is at the altar getting married to another young thin white man (Chris Smith). The interloper shouts, "Don't marry him! I love you, Sarah!" and the bride tells her groom, "Sorry!" before happily running away with the disruptor. In voiceover, Smith says, "This was my defining moment."

Cut to four men—Smith, Tony Shalhoub (a thin middle-aged Lebanese American man), Jerry O'Connell (a thin middle aged white man), and Kal Penn (a thin young Indian American man)—jumping into the pool at an apartment complex, overlaid with text reading: "WE ARE MEN: Behind the Scenes."

Cut to Smith onscreen, saying, "So, the show's about a guy named Carter—" [Carter is his character] Cut to Shalhoub onscreen, saying, "This is a show about Frank, my character." Cut to Penn onscreen, saying, "The show's about a guy named Gil, my character." Cut to O'Connell onscreen, saying, "The show is about my character Stuart. He has these three sort of minions—" Etc. This terrible joke carries on for awhile longer, and if this is indicative of the quality of jokes we can expect from the show, I'm already not going to watch it and we haven't even gotten to the gross stuff yet.

Cue the gross stuff! The four guys walk down the street licking ice cream off spoons, then leer at ladies. Neat!

Cut to O'Connell onscreen, shirtless, explaining: "This show is about guys who live in an apartment complex." The complex has a pool and tennis courts and is paradise for dudes or whatever. "They're all going through divorces or have just gone through divorces." Oh boy. Here we go.

Cut to a scene from the show of O'Connell striding angrily around the pool clad in nothing but a white terrycloth robe, shouting into his phone: "She gave me chlamydia once—see if she wants half of THAT back!" Yiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Cut to Shalhoub explaining: "We're trying to help Carter, the youngest, who's sort of the newbie to the group, and get him back on the horse. He's been left at the altar—" Cut to scene from the show of Smith smashing his wedding cake with a chair and screaming.

Cut to a scene from the show in which Shalhoub tells Smith he's living in paradise, while they all soak in a hot-tub. Cut to a scene in which they tell him to go hit on a girl, and he heads off determinedly but then passes her by, because he is emotionally devastated from a break-up and isn't ready to start hitting on random women at bars yet he is a dum-dum loser who needs three cynical misogynists to turn him into a man!

Cut to a scene from the show in which O'Connell introduces an uncomfortable-looking Smith to a girl, who says, "Stuart told me your fiancee died. You poor thing." O'Connell whispers in his ear (loudly, so good thing ears attached to ladybrains can't pick up the frequency of lying douchebags!), "Rock climbing accident. YOU'RE WELCOME!"

More intolerably unfunny behind-the-scenes banter where the guys all pretend they haven't met each other OH GOD THIS IS SO AWFUL.

Cut to a scene from the show in which Penn's young daughter tells him, "Dad, you know, Fiona's mom would totally go out with you." He says with a patronizing smile, "I'll ask her to lunch." His daughter replies, "Great! She's super nice and has really big boobs!" Penn says, "Or dinner." HA HA PRECOCIOUS MISOGYNIST DAUGHTERS ARE SO PRECIOUS AND SUCH A GREAT ADDITION TO ANY SITCOM ABOUT SINGLE DADS! You've really hit a home-run with this one, CBS!

Cut to Penn onscreen, explaining: "These are good guys, ultimately—even Frank, who is just womanizing his way through this apartment complex." GOOD GUYS, Y'ALL.

Cut to a scene from the show in which Shalhoub introduces Smith to an Asian mother and daughter pair, and naturally the joke is that he, old enough to be Smith's father, is dating the daughter and leaves the mother with Smith, but not before assuring him in a loud whisper, "She's a sure thing."

Montagery of dudes being dudes. It's super hilarious, obviously. Penn screams, "We're men and we love each other!" just before they get busted by a stern-looking nun for breaking into a school to play basketball. DUUUUUUUDE, NUNS ARE SUCH KILLJOYS! So what if a few dudes want to break the law to have FUN and MALE-BOND?! What is this world coming to when LAWS apply to DUDES?!

I can't wait to not watch this show!