Quote of the Day

[Content Note: Fat hatred; body policing; homophobia; gay slur; bullying.]

As an openly gay writer, one of the questions I'm asked most often is, "Were you bullied growing up?" And the answer is yes, but it's never the answer they're looking for. In many ways I was lucky to have come of age in a liberal enclave where my sexuality was accepted if not embraced. Oh, sure, I've had the word "faggot" hurled at me — and the sad truth is, I'd be shocked if a gay man hadn't — but it was always secondary. The real source of my bullying was the extra weight I've carried since childhood. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been called a "faggot" to my face, but I couldn't tell you how often someone has made a dig about my weight.

Outside of anonymous internet comments, the gay slurs have stopped almost entirely. Remarks about my weight, however, are a depressing constant.

I share this not for sympathy but for context. It's an answer to the people who seem surprised when I explain that no, I was never really bullied for being gay, but instead got made fun of for being fat on a daily basis. They are open-minded progressives, and I appreciate their fixation on the way LGBT people are treated; obviously, I share their concern. But the treatment of overweight people is, for the most part, lost on them. And that's largely because so many of my allies and fellow gay men championing equality — compassionate, forward-thinking individuals — are the same people delicately suggesting I lose some weight.

What it comes down to is good intentions. Call someone a gay slur and you're homophobic. Use a racial slur and you're a racist. But when you wonder out loud why I can't just lose some weight, you're looking out for me. At least, that's the perception. The hurtful degradation becomes socially sanctioned, because being fat is considered to be innately wrong. The common understanding is that fatness is unhealthy and unnatural and always the fat person's fault, despite the fact that science does not agree with these assessments. And suddenly, otherwise good people — those who are proud to not have a bigoted bone in their bodies — feel no shame in condemning us fatties. It's not bigotry if we deserve it.

—Louis Peitzman, from his essay "It Gets Better, Unless You're Fat." Read the whole thing here.

[H/T to Shaker IndyM. Related Reading: Quote of the Day; Dan Savage: Please Stop; An Open Letter to My Fat Father, From His Fat, Trans Son.]