CNN Is a Disgrace

[Content Note: Racism; othering.]

What in the everloving shit is this, CNN?

Over video of Price William, Duchess Kate, and Prince George deplaning, Jeanne Moos, a middle-aged white female CNN contributor says in voiceover: "These days, it's usually the photo of little Prince George that gets all the attention, but even the new royal baby, arriving on his first official trip abroad, couldn't compete with what we're calling—" cut to still image of Duchess Kate shaking hands with a Māori man who is sporting a tatua (which is essentially a woven belt generally attached to a thong) to reveal traditional tattoos down his buttocks and thighs, accompanied by a disembodied shriek "—the royal bummer!"

As a cropped version of the image zooms in for a close-up, Moos continues: "Though, technically, the only one bumming was the warrior with his decorated buns exposed. Is that any way to welcome a future king and queen?!"

Cut to video of a group of Māori people welcoming Prince William and Duchess Kate with a haka (dance accompanied by chanting). Moos continues: "You betcha! It was a traditional New Zealand welcome by Māori dancers."

Cut to Moos in a studio, speaking directly to the camera and leaning way in so her nose is practically pressed against the lens: "Forget merely rubbing shoulders with the royals!"

Cut to video of Prince William and Duchess Kate greeting dignitaries with a traditional Māori hongi, which is pressing one's nose and forehead against another person's nose and forehead. Moos continues: "First the Prince, and then the Duchess, rubbed noses—" insert audio of a disembodied chant "—in a traditional greeting—" insert cropped image of Duchess Kate touching noses with an older man "—with Māori elders."

More audio of shouts and chants accompanied by no images of the people making the sounds; instead, video of Prince William and Duchess Kate walking on a grassy field with the elders.

Cut to video of Prince William bending over to pick up a dart, while maintaining eye contact with a warrior in a tatua also picking up a spear; the shot is angled for maximum view of the bending warrior's exposed backside. Moos continues: "At one point, Prince William had to meet a challenge by picking up a dart while maintaining eye contact to prove that he was friend, not foe."

Cut to more video of the haka greeting line.

Cut to video of former First Lady Laura Bush being greeted by a Māori soldier in Afghanistan, followed by his unit welcoming her with a haka. "Reminds us of the time Laura Bush was greeted by a soldier in short-shorts—part of a New Zealand contingent in Afghanistan, slapping and thrusting." Cut to Laura Bush smiling and putting on her sunglasses. "It was a welcome we described at the time as a cross between a Chippendales lap dance and—" cut to image of a Māori soldier leaping with a spear, then split-screened with a large bird doing a mating dance "—the mating dance of the emu."

Cut to video of various video clips of former President George W. Bush making an ass out of himself with tribal dancers, including his infamous jackassery on Malaria Awareness Day with Senegalese performers from the West African Dance Company. "We tend to love when leaders go native—" Cut to video of Hillary Clinton dancing with a group of people, most of whom are black women. "—or at least let their hair down."

Cut to video of Prince William and Duchess Kate shaking hands with Māori men and women in a receiving line. "For once, the Duchess' designer red coat by Catherine Walker wasn't the only outfit attracting attention."

Cut to video of the warrior who performed the ceremonial challenge with Prince William standing up and spinning. "What does a Prince do after meeting a guy in a thong?" Cut to video of Prince William adjusting his necktie. "He straightens his tie!" [Note: Prince William was just literally brushing some detritus off his tie. He was not embarrassedly adjusting his tie at all.]

Cut back to Moos in the studio, speaking directly to the camera. "Britain's Daily Mail had the perfect caption for the 'Duchess meets nearly naked warrior' moment." Cut back to still shot of Duchess Kate smiling while meeting the tattooed Māori man. "EYES FRONT, KATE! In response to that cheeky behind!" One more disembodied shout as the camera zooms in on his ass. "Jeanne Moos, CNN, New York."

I don't even have words for this racist, dehumanizing, othering, reprehensible mess.

A petition was set up asking Moos to apologize, which quickly gathered 25,000 signatures. Moos responded to the petition with this "apology":

"Duly noted," she said. "I do humour and satire, and I am truly sorry if the tone of my story offended anyone."

Oh, I see. I didn't realize that this was supposed to funny. Well. That changes everything NOTHING.

[H/T to my friend Ben, who got it from Kerry-anne.]