Damn!

[Content Note: Policing; emotional auditing; projection; heterocentrism; disablist language; misogyny.]

This "Frisky Rant" in which the writer, Sara Benincasa, splutters bile at women who brag about their husbands on Facebook, is one of the most strangely hostile things I've read in awhile. [H/T to Tami Winfrey Harris.] It starts out from the dubious premise that any woman who brags (or what I would call "happy shares") about her husband definitely has a terrible marriage which is headed for divorce, and goes downhill from there.

The first thing that struck me about the article is that is fails to explore why it is that some people do use social media to cultivate the illusion of a perfect life via carefully curated imagery in service to a specific narrative for a variety of reasons. It just hates on women who do it.

And not every piece is about every thing, but it certainly feels unfair to read something so aggressively contemptuous of a particular behavior without even the most cursory investigation of the motivations of that behavior. Beyond, basically, "some women are such stupid bitches, amirite?"

The second thing that struck me about the article is that the habit of happy sharing about one's partner is not a uniquely female, nor a uniquely straight, thing. My same-sex partnered friends happy share about their partners, too.

Of course, that doesn't fit into existent misogynist narratives about how women who "brag" about their husbands are just competitive harpies with no individual identities.

Also, at least among my friends, most of the male-partnered women with whom I'm friends tend to happy share about their partners in ways that undermine, rather than reinforce, patriarchal norms. Like: He's so great for being so supportive of my work, or he's such a nurturing parent, etc.

I don't see a lot of "my partner is SO PERFECT" among my friends, although I do see a lot of "I am grateful to have such a terrific partner." And, frankly, I love reading that!

I dunno. Maybe the author just needs more feminist friends.