Exterior of house decorated with Christmas lights. Interior of house: An older white couple stands by a Christmas tree. Another older white couple sits on a couch, talking. On another couch, a bunch of kids are sitting and chatting with older relatives. By the mantle, the women of SNL (Noël Wells, a thin white brunette woman; Kate McKinnon, a thin white blonde woman; Vanessa Bayer, a thin white brunette woman; Aidy Bryant, a fat white brunette woman; Cecily Strong, a thin white brunette woman; and Nasim Pedrad, a thin Iranian-American brunette woman (I'm not sure if she identifies as white or a WOC, hence noting her heritage) stand in a row, wearing club clothes. They introduce themselves to a back beat, in girl-band style. McKinnon: "We're home for the holidays." Wells: "And this year, we brought our boyfriends home with us." Thin white male cast members Taran Killam and Brooks Wheelan, and thin white male host Jimmy Fallon wave at the camera. Bayer: "But just because we're back in our mom and dad's house..." Pedrad: "Doesn't mean we can't still get a little nasty." They all laugh.That will never stop being fucking amazing.
The music kicks in. From here on out, the quoted text is song lyrics, set to images of the women prance-dancing on a stage, interspersed with images of the women awkwardly getting their sexy on with uncomfortable dudes in a white metal-framed twin bed in a teenage girl's room, frozen in time, with posters of Mario Lopez and Jonathan Taylor Thomas, among others, hung on the walls.
McKinnon: Back in town visiting my mom and dad / But that don't mean I don't wanna be bad / Say what's up to my cousins / Say what's up to my neighbors / Then take my man to my childhood bedroom.
Pedrad: This is my old christening dress / And here's my stack of X-Files on VHS.
Bayer: Now we're gonna freak (freak) / In my monkey sheets / That I've had since I was a kid.
All: Let's do it on my twin bed (twin bed) / Not gonna like it (like it) / But it's the only option (option) / Where we can get it poppin' (poppin') / Let's do it on my twin bed (twin bed) / Pop and fall off it (off it) / But let's get wild (wild) / In a bed for a child. (child)
Strong: If you want an old cat to watch you bone / You're gonna want to get down in my parents' home / It'll make you spotty (spotty) / While you lick my body (body) / Then he'll throw up on your bag!
Bryant: Come on, sexy boy, gotta do this quick / While my folks are at the pharmacy; my mom is sick / She's had a cough (cough) / She got it from Jean (Jean) / And now it's a whole thing with Jean.
Wells: I'm glad you got to meet my Uncle Ted / Now keep it down 'cuz he's asleep on my trundle bed.
Uncle Ted: Hey don't mind me (me) / We're family (leeee) / Did ya hear Aunt Ruth is dead? (sad)
All: Let's do it on my twin bed (twin bed) / Even though Aunt Ruth's dead {Ruth's dead) / Wish we had more room (more room) / But grandma got the guest room (guest room) / But we'll still get nasty (nasty) / Up against my trophies (trophies) / You're a certified hottie (hottie) / Like JTT.
Talking poster of Jonathon Taylor Thomas: Aww, thanks!
Jimmy Fallon, rapping: Girl, you know I love you, but let's be clear / I'm having lots of trouble gettin' horny here / I wanna get down and do my thing / But your childhood bed has antique springs / And I guess your mom don't know how to knock / Keep my foot on the door 'cuz it doesn't lock / I can't fully undress in case your parents come through / Just shirt, no pants, like Winnie the Pooh / [inaudible under audience laughter] even tryin' to get laid / Near a photo of you from seventh grade!
The music halts to just a beat and the camera zooms in on a seventh grade photo of Kate McKinnon. Bryant (I think) says in voiceover: "Let's take it back now, y'all!" The camera moves through the picture onto a stage where a giant photo of each woman from seventh grade serves as a backdrop while they dance in front of it. IT IS SO FUNNY. And then, at the end, a giant image of Jimmy Fallon's seventh grade yearbook photo, which he stands in front of, looking embarrassed.
All: So let's do it on my twin bed (twin bed) / Not gonna like it (like it) / But ya can't be picky (picky) / When you're staying with your family! (family)
Fallon: I've been sexing in a tiny twin bed, y'all.
McKinnon: Happy holidays.
Bryant: We out.
Also? Paul the Spud and I will never stop laughing at this. NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
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