Good Grief

[Content Note: Christian Supremacy; anti-atheism.]

Oh brother. Have y'all seen the trailer for God's Not Dead, the terrific new film starring Kevin Sorbo as a meany atheist professor who hates god? It actually came out in theaters (allegedly) earlier this year, but the trailer is running on a fucking loop on my cable provider's OnDemand service, just to make sure all of us who somehow missed its debut at the cinemaplex get a chance to see it.

Anyway, the trailer is full of great things like:

* Dean Cain, wearing a business suit, talking on the phone to his good Christian sister who tells him he should come home to see their ailing mother, to which he responds, "What's in it for me?"

* Kevin Sorbo, wearing a tweed jacket, telling his classroom full of college students that god is dead.

* One of the dudes from Duck Dynasty (???), wearing a beard and patriotic bandana, telling a reporter that being Christian is the best, or whatever.

* Kevin Sorbo, wearing a tweed jacket, shouting at his rebellious Christian student: "You think you're smarter than me?! You think there's any argument you can make that I won't have an answer for? In that classroom, there is a god: I'm him!"

* Ladies playing important supporting roles in men's lives, including creating a trenchant life lesson for them by getting cancer.

* Kevin Sorbo, wearing a tweed jacket, shouting at his rebellious Christian student, while gesturing at the rest of the classroom full of students: "You just want to ensnare them in your primitive superstitions!"

DAMN. Atheists are the worst!

Also? That was definitely exactly like my college experience, lolololololol.

Clearly, this movie already made billions at the box office, which is why we have all for sure heard of it and been converted to its perfect brand of Christianity by its compelling message, but Kevin Sorbo is nonetheless promoting its DVD release in Big Time Media, like End Times fanatic Rick Wiles' radio program, where the two gentlemen discussed why it is that atheists are so angry.

[T]he two concluded that atheists are so angry because they secretly know that God does exist and hate him for "judging how they live their life."

Sorbo said he doesn't understand why atheists are so "filled with just hatred and anger," saying that he feels sorry for them but also can't help but laugh at them for spending "so much time ranting and raving about something that they don't believe in."

Wiles agreed, saying that he doesn't "believe in the Tooth Fairy but I don't spend all my time from trying to stop people from believing in the Tooth Fairy."

Of course, one could just as well make the same point in response to Sorbo and Wiles, noting that while they don't believe in atheism, they sure do seem to be spending a lot of time ranting and raving about it.

In the end, both Wiles and Sorbo agreed that the real reason atheists are so angry is because, deep down, they know that God exists.

"The truth is," Wiles said, "they know he exists and they hate him. That's what it's all about."

"That is exactly what it is," Sorbo responded. "I know these guys must believe in something, otherwise they wouldn't get so angry about it and they don't like the fact that there is a higher power out there that is judging how they live their life."

Perfect deductive reasoning. And let's face it: They should know the imaginary reason that the angry straw-atheists they've invented are super angry all the time.


"Hey, get back here, Christian scum! I need to yell at you some more!"
I know there are some angry atheists or whatever; there are lots of people who believe lots of things who are angry and yell about those beliefs. But there are a lot of atheists, like myself, who are essentially apatheists and really just don't give a shit.

And would kindly like you to shove your caricatures of atheists into the nearest bin, thankyouverymuch.

I mean, not for nothing, but if the worst complaint you can make is that some atheists are kind of aggressive about their atheism, you really need to STFU.