It Continues to Be a Real Mystery Why Republicans Aren't Connecting with a Majority of Female Voters

[Content Note: Misogyny; heterocentrism.]

A week after I wrote about this piece of shit ad in which it's implied women pick candidates like boyfriends, now I'm obliged to write about this piece of shit ad in which women choose candidates like wedding dresses: "The College Republican National Committee launched on Wednesday a nearly $1 million digital ad campaign across 16 states, aiming to draw young voters to the GOP with what the group's chief calls 'culturally relevant' ad campaigns. The first ad, launched Wednesday morning in Florida, is modeled after TLC's Say Yes to the Dress, where brides-to-be look for wedding dresses."

A young thin blonde white woman appears in a series of wedding dresses as she spins, a la the credits to Say Yes to the Dress, followed by text onscreen reading: "Say Yes to the Candidate."

The bride appears in a talking head segment, again in the style of Say Yes to the Dress. She is identified as: "Brittany, Undecided Voter." She says: "Budget is a big deal for me now that I just graduated from college." Cut to video of her looking through dresses on a rack, then admiring herself in a mirror after she's tried on one. "The Rick Scott is perfect!" she tells a thin middle-aged white woman, who is her dress consultant.

"The Rick Scott" (Rick Scott is the Republican Governor of Florida) is a simple, elegant gown. As the bride models the dress for her friends and mother, she says in voiceover, "Rick Scott is becoming a trusted brand. He has new ideas that don't break your budget."

As her mother, a red-haired middle-aged woman in a black and white polka-dot dress, makes a revolted face, a male voiceover says: "But Mom has other ideas." Cut to Mom in a talking head segment. "Gloria, Bride's Mother." She says, "I like the Charlie Crist."

Cut to the bride with her dress consultant, trying on a fussier gown that does not flatter her shape as well. She looks horrified. (Charlie Crist is the former Republican Governor of Florida and current Democratic candidate for Governor of Florida.) In voiceover, Mom says, "It's expensive and a little outdated, but I know best!"

As the bride models the dress for her friends (who hate it) and Mom (who loves it), the dress consultant says: "And don't forget—the Charlie Crist comes with additional costs. There's over two billion dollars in taxes, three-point-six billion dollars in debt, and fifteen percent tuition increases." Mom cheers.

The bride is now buried in an oversized veil and yards of fabric. "But I'll be paying this off for the rest of my life!" the bride exclaims, looking miserable.

Her friend, a young black woman ("Tiffani, Maid of Honor"), in a talking head segment, says: "We could not let her walk out of the voting booth like that!"

"Mom," says the bride, "this is my decision! And I see a better future with Rick Scott." Triumphant music as she once again models the Rick Scott gown.

"Sometimes it's hard to let go of old styles," says the male voiceover, as Mom looks disappointed. "But it all worked out in the end, because Brittany said yes to Rick Scott!" Champagne and cheers.

Wait—is she marrying Rick Scott, or voting for him? If she's just voting for him, why does she have a maid of honor? This metaphor is bullshit.

You know what else is bullshit? That Republicans evidently cannot think of a way to appeal to female voters without casting us as relationship-seeking girls.

(Which, you know, maybe wouldn't be so tempting if the Republican Party ran more female candidates. As an aside.)

Honestly, the only thing more insulting than the implication I would choose a candidate based on the same criteria I use to choose an intimate partner is the belief that I could conceivably be persuaded to choose a candidate based on an ad this fucking stupid.

Yes, it's a real mystery why young women aren't flocking to the Republican Party en masse, when the best strategies they've devised to appeal to young women are: 1. Take away their reproductive rights; 2. Insult them!

Keep up the fine work, dipshits.

[Note: There are versions for Arkansas, Colorado, Illinois, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, too.]