The Walking Thread

[Content Note: Descriptions of violence. Spoilers are lurching around undeadly herein.]


Hahahahahahahahahahahaha okay.
This episode was titled "Four Walls and a Roof," but I feel like they missed a real opportunity by not titling this episode "What About Bob?"

Because this is the episode where we find out about Bob—by which I mean that we find out exactly zero of the many conspiracy theories about Bob (that he is immune to the zombie virus; that he holds the secret to the cure; that he knew the Terminus Heads before he hooked up with Grimes Gang) were correct. Nope and nope and nope!

Bob is just a dead man not-walking, although everyone who predicted he'd been bitten at the food pantry was correct. He had been—and he laughs at the Terminus Head chomping disgustingly on his leg that they're eating tainted meat. Which gives us the delightful opportunity to watch them vomit up human flesh, after having watched them just consume it. This fucking show.

Terminus Head #1 tells them to settle down; they don't have any cause to worry, because they cooked the meat. But we will never know whether this theory turned out to be correct, because this show.

Back at the church, they're searching for Bob and also notice that Carol and Daryl have gone missing, so they confront Gabriel, and it turns out he has not been colluding with the Terminus Heads, but just let his congregation die by not letting them into the church for sanctuary from the zombie hordes. Hence the scratches on the side of the church. The best part about this admission is recalling, as we learned last week, that he was able to live so long inside the church because they'd just done a food drive before the zombiepocalypse. So his congregation brought a ton of food to church to help people, then he left their asses literally hanging in the wind when they wanted to take refuge in the church. LOL! What a guy!

After Gabriel's tale of cowardly woe, Grimes Gang follows the sound of whistle outside (because they are geniuses) to find Bob lying on the grass outside. They drag him inside, and he reveals all: His leg got eaten, he's been bitten, his erstwhile captors are camped out near an elementary school, and the Terminus Heads happened to conveniently mention to him that they saw Daryl and Carol take off in a car.

Sgt. Red Bull immediately starts shouting about how they have to leave for Washington RIGHT FUCKING NOW, and Grimes immediately starts shouting back that they're not leaving without Carol and Daryl, and Glenn has to step in between the two screaming patiarachs to stop them coming to fisticuffs.

Glenn tells Grimes it isn't his decision to make for everyone else whether they stay or go, then immediately makes the decision for Maggie that he and Maggie will leave with Sgt. Red Bull if he'll just stay long enough to fight the Terminus Heads.

So, Sgt. Red Bull agrees to stay, as long as Glenn and Maggie and Tara will leave with him and Doctor Mulletsworth and Rosita Espinoza the minute the Terminus Heads have been dispatched.

At which point, there would be no danger of waiting for Daryl and Carol to return. So this whole agreement honestly makes no goddamned sense. Because this show.

So, the plan is hatched to go get the Terminus Heads. And we see the Grimes Gang Prime contingent marching off into the night through the woods, then see the Terminus Heads come out of the shadows to enter the church. This scene might be tense and exciting if only how it played out were not 100% predictable!

The Terminus Heads stroll in and shout for the Grimes Gang stragglers to come on out. They walk through the church, and try to bribe Gabriel to come out, and he shits his pants a thousand times but at least keeps quiet. Baby Zombie Cannibal Whistle Grimes starts crying, so the supersmart Terminus Heads figure out that they're hiding in the only place they could have been hiding anyway.

OH NO GRIMES GANG IS FOR SURE ALL GONNA DIE NOOOOOOOOO except for how then Grimes Gang Prime returns and murders the fuck out of the Terminus Heads. They're really brutal and intimate about it—because they don't want to waste bullets, they say, but it's really because we need another grotesque reminder of how Grimes Gang is LOSING THEIR HUMANITY.

Anyway. Michonne gets her katana back. Yay!

The next day, everyone says goodbye to Bob, and Bob saves a special goodbye for Grimes something something don't lose your humanity, and then he dies, and Tyreese puts a knife through his skull so he doesn't turn into a zombie. RIP Bob.

The Doctor Mulletsworth Gang, now including Tara and Maggie and Glenn, take off in the bus for DC. Before they go, Sgt. Red Bull hands Grimes a map, with their marked route, in case Grimes Gang want to catch up. And on the map, Sgt. Red Bull has written: "Sorry, I was an asshole. Come to Washington. The new world's gonna need Rick Grimes." And I laugh for one hundred million years.

Later, Tyreese and Grimes are digging graves for the Terminus Heads, and Grimes casually and not at all awkwardly mentions to Tyreese that he never asked him about his trip to Terminus. "It killed me," Tyreese says. "No it didn't," Rick replies, because HE IS THE POLICER OF EVERYONE OH MY GOD HE IS SO ANNOYING I HATE HIM SO MUCH SHUT UP GRIMES SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

That night, Michonne is keeping watch when Daryl comes walking out of the woods. "Where's Carol?" Michonne asks. "Come on out," Daryl says, to someone behind him, unseen. Cut to black.

Then, of course, immediately cut to previews of next week's episode which will be answering the mystery of where Beth has been.

Meanwhile, if anything happened to Carol, THERE WILL BE RIOTS.

* * *

In other Walking Dead news, last week Robert Kirkman put to rest the popular theory that the entire story is happening inside Grimes' head while he is still in a coma. I am very disappointed, because that obviously would have been the greatest ending to this show ever!!! Sad trombone.

By the way, my favorite thing about fully 100% of The Walking Dead theories is that they are based on having noticed some plot inconsistency or continuity error in the show. Which always turn out to be because the writers of this show are lazy and incompetent. LOL.

And just how lazy and incompetent are they? Well, the show creator just had to assure fans that the entire thing isn't happening inside a coma patient's head, because that's the only way people can explain all the otherwise inexplicable bullshit on the show.

Except for admitting that it's plagued with as much nonsense and fuckery as zombies in plaid shirts.