That Is One Crowded Clown Car

I bet we're all kicking ourselves that we weren't in Iowa for Rep. Steve King's inaugural Iowa Freedom Fest, at which a parade of Republican presidential hopefuls showed up to give beautiful speeches this weekend. We missed a big opportunity to sit through the rhetorical genius of: Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, Sarah Palin, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump, and Scott Walker—ALL TEN IN ONE PLACE! What were we even thinking, missing this terrific event?!

I mean, Sarah Palin made fun of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits! That's GOLD, baby! And Carly Fiorina got her biggest applause line for saying Hillary Clinton has never accomplished anything! "Like Hillary Clinton, I too have traveled hundreds of thousands of miles around the globe. But unlike her, I have actually accomplished something." HAHAHA OH SNAP! If there's one thing for which Clinton is known, it's doing nothing. Unlike Carly Fiorina, who's done LOTS of things. Like that time she ran a company into the ground and cost thousands of people their jobs and then left with a $42 million golden parachute. BEST ACCOMPLISHMENT!

It's cool how the ladies went after Hillary Clinton, while the guys went after absentee frontrunners from their own team, Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney.

The audience made it clear how they felt about Bush when New Hampshire state Rep. William O'Brien asked them why they would vote for a guy who backs Common Core and has an overly familiar last name. "Are we going to do that again?" O'Brien asked.

The audience responded with a loud: "Noooooo!"

And Trump, a Manhattan-based real estate developer and reality TV star, lobbed radioactive bombs at both Bush and Romney, the 2012 GOP nominee. "Mitt ran and failed. He failed. So you can't have Romney," he said, as the audience cheered robustly.

Good grief.

Bush and Romney weren't the only Republican hopefuls who didn't make it to Freedom Fest. Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, and Bobby Jindal were also not in attendance, presumably because they were having ribs removed so they can fit in the clown car.

What a field of terrific candidates! A real embarrassment of riches.