"That Can Be So Boring. Well, Not Anymore!"

[Content Note: Send-up of misogyny.]

My favorite Superbowl commercial was this parody of a Totino's Pizza Roll advert, aired on Saturday Night Live this weekend:


Video Desscription: Four men—three white men and a black man—sit in a living room watching a ballgame. An array of snacks and beer is arranged on a coffee table in front of them. They cheer for a play. One of the men's wives, a white woman wearing a pink sweater, comes in with a huge smile on her face, bearing a plate of Totino's Pizza Rolls. "Who's ready for some more Totino's Pizza Rolls?" she asks cheerfully, setting down the plate. The men all make enthusiastic sounds. "Thanks, honey," says her husband. "You're the best."

"Anything for my hungry guys!" she says, crossing her arms and smiling satisfactorily. Her husband jerks his thumb toward the kitchen. "Now, get outta here, you—the game's on!" he tells her. "Okay, sweetheart," she replies. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." She smiles and walks away as the men cheer for another play.

Cut to the kitchen, where she speaks directly to the camera: "When it comes to the big game, I love feeding my hungry guys. But...now what?" She smiles tersely. "I normally just sit in the kitchen, waiting for them to ask for more delicious Totino's Pizza Rolls. But that can be so boring. Well, not anymore! Introducing Totino's new Superbowl Activity Pack—for Women!" She holds up a package full of colorful toys, which reads: "Learn! Play! Grow! For grown women ages 5 & up."

She opens the package and starts taking out the crappy little plastic toys. "It's full of fun little puzzles and games to keep my mind active and learning, while I wait back here." Big smile as the men cheer in the other room. "My hungry guys aren't the only ones having fun today. With my Superbowl Activity Pack for Women, I can spin a little top." Spins top. "Connect the dots." Completes the easiest connect the dot picture of a bee (and squeals excitedly "Oh look at the little bee!"). "Do a word search." Circles HAT in a nine-letter word search (and happily exclaims "Hat! I found hat!"). "Count my own money." Counts out Monopoly money. "And plenty of other activities I can drop at a moment's notice."

She plays with a tiny ball and paddle. "Honey, we're out of pizza rolls!" her husband shouts from the living room. "Comin' right up!" she calls cheerfully, settling down the paddle.

Cut to the living room, where she's setting down another plate of Totino's Pizza Rolls, and the men make excited noises as they reach for them. "Look, honey—it's a little bee," she says, showing her husband the connect the dots drawing. "Yeah, we're also out of beers, when you get a second," he says. "Anything for my hungry guys!" she says with a smile.

As she walks away, one of the men says, "Hey, does your wife wanna watch the game with us?" Her husband replies, "No, she's good. She's got her little activity pack." In the kitchen, the wife smacks a gooey hand against the fridge door.

Cut the the wife playing with a rubber ball on the floor. "If I get hungry," she says, "my activity pack comes with one little Totino—just for me!" She eats the one tiny pizza roll.

The men cheer in the living room. She walks back in and asks, "Is the game almost over?" Her husband replies, "No—it's still the first quarter."

She struggles to maintain her smile. "Well, I...already did that whole activity pack that you gave me." Her husband says, "Well, open another one then."

"Okay!" she says. "Anything for my hungry g—"

"GO!" shouts her husband.

She grins gruesomely and walks away.

"The Totino's Superbowl Activity Pack. For grown women ages 5 & up."

* * *

LOLOLOLOLOL FOREVERRRRRR. This is, of course, not just a perfect send-up of Totino's commercials—which are a particularly egregious repeat offender in the "wife/mom will do anything for her hungry boys!" genre, but of an entire category of snack commercials which feature wives/moms who seem to exist for no other reason than to provide a steady stream of tasty treats for their hungry boys. Perfect.