Primarily Speaking

[Content Note: Homophobia; guns; misogyny.]


Mitt Romney ain't the only one who can stand in front of flags, baby!
Senator Marco Rubio continues his awesome campaign of being awesome on same-sex marriage: "[I believe] the definition of the institution of marriage should be between one man and one woman. States have always regulated marriage. And if a state wants to have a different definition, you should petition the state legislature and have a political debate. I don't think courts should be making that decision, and I don't believe same-sex marriage is a Constitutional right. I also don't believe that your sexual preferences are a choice for the vast and enormous majority of people. In fact...I believe that sexual preference is something that people are born with." Well, who the fuck cares what you "believe," Senator? Your personal beliefs are irrelevant to a conversation about whether people should be given basic rights.

That's a pretty terrific example of a privileged person filtering marginalized people's experiences through a validity prism and then thinking that their personal views, skewed by unexamined privilege, are "facts," rather than just subjective opinions utterly without value.

Meanwhile, I love how the coverage of Republicans' views on same-sex marriage is being framed as whether they'd attend a same-sex wedding reception: Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker has totes "attended a gay wedding reception." Oh goody for him WHO CARES.

I guess this is their hottt new way of saying they "hate the sin but love the sinner." Hiss spit.

And what a supercool voting base they have that "I definitely want to continue to deny same-sex couples their basic rights, but I am magnanimous enough to risk GAY COOTIES by going to one of their hedonistic soirees!" is something that will sound reasonable to many people, and the rest of them will be shitting mad because these candidates don't hate same-sex couples enough to refuse to even attend their wedding receptions.

COOL CANDIDATES! COOL VOTERS! COOL PARTY!

What is Senator Ted Cruz even talking about? "There are ridiculous arguments against gun control, perhaps the silliest of which is that the framers of the Constitution wanted to preserve the possibility, or even encourage the idea, of armed rebellion against the government. It's a particularly absurd argument when it comes from a member of Congress who is running for president. 'The Second Amendment to the Constitution isn't for just protecting hunting rights, and it's not only to safeguard your right to target practice,' said one of those people, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas. 'It is a Constitutional right to protect your children, your family, your home, our lives, and to serve as the ultimate check against governmental tyranny—for the protection of liberty.' So Mr. Cruz says people should own guns so they can shoot him if he gets out of hand as a senator or in the extremely unlikely event that he becomes president? Doing so, under any circumstances, would be a hideous crime and Mr. Cruz would be at the front of the line demanding that the shooter be executed."

This is, of course, among the many absurd arguments that come from people who hate government but want to be in charge of it.

Something something New Jersey Governor Chris Christie something something very unpopular.

I can't even: Ohio Governor John Kasich says he's waiting for a message from god before deciding whether to run for president. I'm guessing that "message from god" will come (or not come) in the form of a billionaire willing to finance his campaign.

In other potential candidate news, Senator Lindsey Graham says he's 91% sure he'll run for president. So precise! I want to see the math on that calculation! Show your work, Senator!

I will give Graham credit for being honest about why he will or won't run: "If I can raise the money, I'll do it."

No one give Lindsey Graham any money thank you.

Senator Rand Paul continues to demonstrate his respect for women in glorious ways [CN: video may autoplay at link]: "I'm starting to worry that when Hillary Clinton travels, there's gonna need to be two planes—one for her and her entourage, and one for her baggage." HAHAHAHAHA OMG THAT IS SO FUNNY because it plays two ways: Because Hillary Clinton has a lot of personal and professional "baggage," and because she's a woman and YOU KNOW HOW WOMEN ARE WITH ALL THEIR GODDAMN LUGGAGE! This fucking guy.

It's pretty cool how Clinton is basically the Republicans' #1 issue: Fuck climate change, screw the economy, LET'S SAY MEAN THINGS ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON! Genius move, geniuses.

And get this: Carly Fiorina "wants to block Hillary Rodham Clinton from playing the 'gender card' in the 2016 presidential race." LOL OMG I AM TAKING A NAP UNTIL NOVEMBER 9, 2016!!!

It's not just the Republicans, though, of course: Former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley says he'd make a better president than Clinton because he's got executive experience: "I have 15 years of executive experience as a big-city mayor and as a governor."

I mean, this is real tired stuff. George W. Bush was a governor: That didn't make him a good president. This same charge was leveled against Barack Obama: His lack of executive experience hasn't made him a bad president. Just stop it. This is a garbage idea, Martin O'Malley. I know it, and you know it, so stop saying it. And start saying things that actually make a real case for your presidency. Cripes.

Here's just a real Reuters headline about Hillary Clinton: "Mission possible? Turning Hillary Clinton into a fresh face." And the accompanying story is even better, because its author gives Clinton totally trenchant advice like "Show some emotion" and "Keep Bill Clinton under control." GOOD GRIEF THIS IS JUST EMBARRASSING FOR YOU SHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.