Mike Huckabee's Serious Bible Solutions For Women

[CN: misogyny, Christian privilege, sexual coercion]

So apparently Mike Huckabee has an awesome guide to women's economic problems: the Book of Ruth.

Minister Jennifer Danielle Crumpton asked him a question during his recent appearance on The Kelly File, which inquired "which female character in the Bible best helps you to understand the struggles of women and why equal pay is so critical to the social and economic stability of families?" His response, in her words:

Huckabee, without hesitation, answered "Ruth," citing her loyalty to her deceased husband's family, her willingness to leave her "old God" behind and accept the family's "new God," and her decision to follow her mother-in-law.

The Rev. Crumpton has a nice commentary at her post about better messages one might glean [yeah yeah, pun intended] from the Book of Ruth. But I'm just wondering, what Serious Bible Solutions to equal pay does Mike Huckabee's answer even add up to?

I mean, her decision to follow her mother-in-law? Did I just hear Mike Huckabee approve of same-sex relationships as a solution to equal pay? He knows that Ruth's words to Naomi are used all the time at weddings, right? "Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God." It probably would help some women economically if they could marry the women they love, so, uh, thanks for the endorsement of equality, Mike!

Hahahahaha of course he wasn't endorsing marriage equality! He was endorsing drunken sex outside of marriage as the answer to women's woes! Because totally the best part of that book is where Naomi tells Ruth to get all SEXXXIFIED ("Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor"), then go down to the threshing floor where Boaz is partying, wait until he passes out,("Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn") and then hop in bed and uncover his feet... er, genitals. Gather round kids, this is the best Bible story evah! As a bonus, we'll also learn what "euphemism" means!

What on earth is Huckabee even talking about? Ruth leaving her old god for a new one--I get that he thinks non-Christians should convert before they deserve financial equality, but what about good Christian ladies? Do they get to pick new gods too? Or can we maybe get a goddess? About her loyalty to her deceased husband's family--does he mean that ladies need to marry their dead husband's family members? I mean, that sounds like a GRRREAT antipoverty program to me! What's your opinion on Genesis 38:15-19, Mike--do you think that getting ladies to have sex with their fathers-in-law while disguised as sex workers would be a serious remedy to child poverty? ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!

(As the Reverend Crumpton points out, there are actually messages in this story that highlight women's economic vulnerability and the need for egalitarian, non-patriarchal solutions. Trust Mike Huckabee to get none of that! Trust him to think that not only should individuals solve systemic problems, they should do so in as patriarchy-affirming a way as possible!)

What other Biblical women can Mike misconstrue in his quest to understand the need for equal pay? Vashti, queen of NOPE? Deborah, "you're really going to need help from a lady, dudes"? Judith? Maybe she can help Mike get AHEAD (groan) in the race. Have at it in comments, Shakers. What Biblical or other scriptural or historical ladies does Huckabee need to meet? How laughably terrible will his interpretation of their tales be?