Film Corner: Spy

[Content Note: Violence; street harassment; fat bias.]

This is your OFFICIAL REMINDER that Paul Feig's new film Spy, starring Melissa McCarthy opens today! WOOT! I have been excited about this movie for literally two years! I'm going to try to see it this weekend, so I can give you a review next week, but my back is being a shitlord at the moment, so we'll see how it goes! In any case, here is a trailer for the movie yayayayay!


Video Description: Intrigue music! Helicopters flying over water toward an estate. Jude Law, spy, wearing a tuxedo, creeps around the lower levels of a manse with a gun. "Tell me where the bomb is," he says. Punching! An older white man, also wearing a tux, says, "I'm the only one who knows where that nuke is." Jude Law points a handgun at him and says, "Well, in that case, I'd say you'd better start—ACHOO!" As he sneezes, the gun goes off, and a bullet hits the older man, killing him. Jude Law gives a heaving sigh.

Melissa McCarthy, back at CIA headquarters, speaking to Jude Law through an earpiece, reacts with horror. "Oh my god! Wh—why did you do that?!" Jude Law says, in a terrible American accent, "I didn't do it on purpose! There's, like, a ton of pollen in here!"

Action music! Cut to McCarthy sitting at dinner in a restaurant with Miranda Hart. She says, over images of her working in an office, "When I joined the CIA, I thought I was gonna be this amazing spy. I'm just the same boring person I was before."

Airplane. Cut to CIA HQ, and Allison Janney informs a meeting of people sitting around a conference table, "We've intercepted chatter that Rayna Boyanov knows where that nuke is." Over images of Rose Byrne as Rayna Boyanov, a nuke, and white male agents in the field, she continues, "She knows the identity of all our agents. We need someone to find the bomb without being detected."

McCarthy, seated in the corner of the room, stands up. "I'll do it," she says. Jason Statham holds up a hand in protest. "Uh, okay. Thanks, lunch lady," he says. McCarthy looks dejected.

Cut to McCarthy and Hart entering the Spy Gear Invention Room. "Go see Patrick; he's got special equipment for you," Janney says in voiceover. McCarthy looks excited. "It's like the future," she whispers. FUTURISTIC WEAPONRY! "You're a spy!" Hart whispers. "I know!" McCarthy says.

Cut to Janney, who is telling McCarthy, "You'll be given a new identity." Cut to McCarthy, sitting in dowdy clothes and a short, curly, brown wig, looking at her new wallet, which contains a picture of her surrounded by cats. "Ohhhhhh," she groans. "I'm just missing a shirt that says 'I've never felt the touch of a man.'"

Cut to McCarthy departing an airport in Europe, looking super dowdy in her wig, unfashionable specs, a cat shirt, and a big pink coat. Two hot dudes in a red convertible drive by, whistling and cat-calling conventionally attractive and thin women standing at the curb. As they pass McCarthy, they go quiet and just stare at her, then resume their harassment as they pass more conventionally attractive and thin women. "That's a confidence-builder," McCarthy mutters.

Cut to McCarthy entering a palace, looking much more conventionally attractive, with styled hair and a sleek black dress. Cut to Statham saying, "You really think you're ready for the field? Leave the action to me." Cut to Statham in a tux, fighting dudes. Cut to McCarthy looking sharp on a scooter. She revs the handle, then takes off, rounds a corner, and promptly falls over. "Dammit!" she exclaims.

Airplane! Explosion! Montage of McCarthy adeptly defending herself from a knife-wielding woman with a frying pan, as Janney says in voiceover, "You are not to have direct contact with any of the targets." Hart tells McCarthy through an earpiece, "You are way out of your league!" McCarthy chases the woman, who swiftly slides over the hood of a car. "That's not fair!" McCarthy says, as she tumbles awkwardly over the hood after her.

Cut to Statham explaining, "I'm a real spy; I move like a shadow!" before catching his coat on a door handle and falling over. "He means well," McCarthy says.

Cut to Jude Law driving a hot car. Cut to McCarthy dangling from a helicopter, with Statham clinging to her for dear life. "What are you doing?!" she shouts at him. "I'm saving you!" he tells her. DUBIOUS.

Cut to McCarthy throwing a gun at a bad guy, who then crawls on top of her and begins choking her. She looks to one side, where Byrne is on her hands and knees beside a gun, and says, "Rayna! Toss it over!" Byrne slides it like three inches, looking as if she's using all her strength. "Try harder!" McCarthy insists. Byrne grunts as she slides it like another three inches. "Seriously?" McCarthy says.

Cut to McCarthy on a scooter, racing through traffic. She zooms up a ramp at a construction site, launches into the air, and then lands in wet cement. The construction workers yell at her. "You're no prize yourself!" she yells back. "Get back to work!"

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One of the things I've noted previously is how fucking cool it is that part of the premise of the film is a fat woman's cultural invisibility becoming her biggest asset. I'm also very excited that (it appears) McCarthy's character gives herself the classic sexy spy makeover, which I hope is true, because I will explode from joy if it is.