You're Just Jealous!

[Content Note: Privilege.]

Over the years, I have had plenty of occasion, numerous occasions, omg just so many occasions, honestly just never fucking endless occasions, truly occasion after occasion, to write about Gwyneth Paltrow and her Privilege Empire.

It was four years ago that I first wrote about The Great Gwynsby's favorite fishmonger, and that shit has had such staying power that it is still regularly quoted around here as the perfect shorthand for entitled privilege.

"Let them eat fish from my favorite fishmonger!"

If Gwyneth Paltrow were just some ordinary person, even some famous ordinary person, her clueless fuckthoughts would hardly warrant my attention, no less my comment. But she is, in addition to being a well-known actress, a successful and influential entrepreneur who markets as a "lifestyle brand" what is better described as the upholding and flaunting of white, straight, cisgender, able-bodied, thin, wealthy, Western privilege.

But it turns out I don't actually have legitimate criticisms. I'm just a jealous hater who is "overwhelmed" by the sheer power of her unrelenting awesomeness. According to her mom:

Defending her Oscar-winning daughter, Blythe Danner, 72, tells PEOPLE in the magazine's new issue, "I just think maybe people are overwhelmed. They can't understand how people could be so good at so many things."

"Not only is Gwyneth one of the most brilliant actresses in the world – and I really am hoping she will do more of it when the kids get older – but she is a successful businesswoman and she is a good cook," Danner continues. "I think all of that overwhelms some people."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. You've got me, Danner. My worthless little peasant brain is overwhelmed by someone who is professionally successful and also good at cooking, because in my worthless little peasant life I've never met any other women who are super talented and high achievers and also excel at a hobby.

Good fucking grief.

So, what we have here is a situation in which people have been critical of Gwyneth Paltrow's sanctimonious lifestyle trash because it upholds privilege as a value and further deigns to call that "wellness," and Paltrow deliberately misconstruing those criticisms as "people are accusing me of thinking I'm better than them," and her mother saying, "Fuck all y'all! She is better than you!"

Case closed, your honor!