Primarily Speaking

This is the face Hillary Clinton makes every time a Republican says, "I'm not a scientist."
Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton unveiled two bold objectives over the weekend "to combat climate change, promising that if she's elected president, she would set the United States on a path toward producing enough clean renewable energy to power every home in America within a decade. She would also initiate a process that would bring the total number of solar panels installed nationwide to more than half a billion before the end of her first term." And this is amazing: "Those people on the other side, they will answer any question about climate change by saying, 'I'm not a scientist.' Well, I'm not a scientist either. I'm just a grandmother with two eyes and a brain." BOOM!

[Content Note: Guns] Senator Bernie Sanders is making a move to address concerns among progressive voters that he's soft on gun control, using the occasions of the theater shooting in Louisiana and his latest appearance on Meet the Press to call for "making existing gun laws 'stronger' and 'more enforceable'... Sanders told moderator Chuck Todd that 'guns used to kill people exclusively, not for hunting, should not be sold in the United States of America.'" Well, yes. But also there are lots of people killed with hunting rifles, so.

Former Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley played a guitar and sang "Scare Away the Dark" by Passenger (???) at a campaign event, and it made me suuuuuper uncomfortable just watching it, so I can only imagine how awkward it was to be there!

Former Republican Lincoln Chaffee is still, as far as I can tell, a person running for the Democratic nomination.

And Jim Webb is still an asshole.

On the other side of the aisle, where there are now sixteen (!!!) major candidates, things are going terrific, because all of the candidates running are terrific people, and that is sarcasm.

Because Gold Toilet Aficionado Donald Trump is threatening a third-party run, Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus has suggested that "Republican candidates for president should pledge not to run as a third-party candidate." LOL. Democracy!

[CN: Violent rhetoric; Holocaust/genocide imagery] Professor of Bible Bigotry Mike Huckabee criticized President Obama's nuclear deal with Iran by saying: "It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven." If you literally gasped reading that unfathomably insensitive garbage, you are not alone! President Obama perfectly responded by noting that Huckabee's campaign strategy seems to be saying heinous stuff in order to grab headlines: "The particular comments of Mr. Huckabee are I think part of just a general pattern we've seen...that would be considered ridiculous if it weren't so sad. Maybe this is just an effort to push Mr. Trump out of the headlines, but it's not the kind of leadership that's needed for America right now." OR EVER.

Senator Rand Paul says "he plans to push Congress to cut federal funding for the non-profit reproductive healthcare organization Planned Parenthood" because of course he does. And he refers to Planned Parenthood's treatment of aborted fetal tissue as "a gruesome procedure," which is just spectacularly cynical, since he is a physician and knows damn well how routine it is.

Senator Marco Rubio is too busy running for president to show up in the Senate and represent his constituents: "Rubio has skipped votes during high-profile fights over national security, trade, energy and education policy. He has missed private hearings during a critical stage in the Iran talks, a public forum on China and a private briefing on the U.S. strategy on the Islamic State. Last month, a California congressional candidate tweeted a picture with Rubio in Los Angeles on the same day the Florida senator missed a closed-door Foreign Relations Committee session on Iran and a procedural vote on the Export-Import Bank's future, a flash point in the presidential campaign." He sounds great!

Corporate power-failure Carly Fiorina is still talking about Hillary Clinton: "Whether or not you're ready to caucus for me or you're ready to support me, in your heart of hearts every single one of you know you would love to see me debate Hillary Clinton." GOOD GRIEF.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie showed off his world-famous diplomacy skills at a town hall in Iowa, barking at a man who questioned his record on gun rights: "Come up with one fact that shows one thing I've done as governor in New Jersey that's done anything, anything not to support the rights of legal gun owners. Don't come in front of this group of people and lie about my record, which is what you did." And: "I don't know where you're getting your information from, but your information is wrong." And: "I see you shrugging your shoulders; why are you shrugging your shoulders about? You have your point of view, but have some facts about it." And: "If you want to debate me, come to the top 10; run for president and come to Cleveland on Aug. 6, and I'll happily debate you." He seems nice.

Interesting: Dr. Ben Carson leads the Republican fundraising in Iowa.

Senator Ted Cruz waxed political about Star Trek in an interview, saying: "Kirk is working class; Picard is an aristocrat. Kirk is a passionate fighter for justice; Picard is a cerebral philosopher. ...I think it is quite likely that Kirk is a Republican and Picard is a Democrat." Which prompted William Shatner to tweet: "Star Trek wasn't political. ...[T]o put a geocentric label on interstellar characters is silly." THIS IS OUR PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, PEOPLE. WILLIAM SHATNER HAS BECOME THE VOICE OF REASON.

[CN: Guns] Former Texas Governor Rick Perry says that if we allowed people to carry guns everywhere all the time forever and ever amen, then things like the Louisiana theater shooting wouldn't happen: "These concepts of gun-free zones are a bad idea. I think that you allow the citizens of this country—who have been appropriately trained, appropriately backgrounded, know how to handle and use firearms—to carry them. I believe that, with all my heart, that if you have the citizens who are well trained, and particularly in these places that are considered to be gun-free zones, that we can stop that type of activity, or stop it before there's as many people that are impacted as what we saw in Lafayette." Fuck off and shut up, Rick Perry. You are going to get more people killed.

[CN: Class warfare] And today's recipient of the WORST CLOWN IN THE CLOWN CAR AWARD is—drumroll, please!—former Florida Governor Jeb Bush, for spectacularly flubbing a town hall question from an elderly woman on his plan to phase out Medicare:

"We're not going to have adequate coverage for our children or our grandchildren without Medicare. I paid into that for years and years, just like all these other seniors here, and now you want to take it away?" said the woman, who did not identify herself and left before the town hall concluded. "Why are you always attacking the seniors?"

"Well, I'm not," Bush responded. "Here's what I said: I said, 'We're going to have to reform our entitlement system.' We have to."

"It's not an entitlement," the woman shot back. "I earned that."

"It's an actuarially unsound health care system," said Bush.

Terrific answers! Excellent diplomacy! Well done, Jeb Bush. This is why YOU are today's winner of the WORST CLOWN IN THE CLOWN CAR AWARD. Congratulations, sir!

Welp, I'm sure Senator Lindsey Graham, Governors Bobby Jindal, John Kasich, and Scott Walker, and unemployed desperados George Pataki and Rick Santorum are also up to tons of terrific stuff these days, but we can only care about so many Republican candidates at a time! Better luck next time, gentlemen!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.