I can't believe that only one clown hopped in the clown car last week! YOU HAD A REAL OFF-WEEK, YA BOZOS! Republican Governor of Wisconsin Scott Walker, who is the worst, announced that he, too, is running for president, bringing the total number of GOP candidates to fifteen.
Are they just pranking us at this point? Is this secretly a goof election?
Anyway. Walker's campaign is already doing GREAT. First his Twitter feed announced his candidacy three days before his official announcement. Whoooooooops!
Then his actual Twitter announcement yesterday was widely met with derision and mockery, because it read: "I'm in. I'm running for president because Americans deserve a leader who will fight and win for them." Posted without a trace of irony, despite the fact that Walker is not known so much for "fighting for" people as much as "fighting against teachers, firefighters, abortion providers, unions, working people, poor people, queer people, hungry children, puppies, butterflies, et. al."
AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka's entire statement on Walker's announcement was a mere six words: "Scott Walker is a national disgrace."
Yep!
Walker also unveiled his supercool campaign logo, which looks like it straight-up stole its centerpiece from the America's Best logo:
Double whoooooooooooooops!
Meanwhile, his campaign failed to secure all the obvious domain names, so ReadyforWalker.com currently redirects to Planned Parenthood. Hahahahahahaha! Triple whoops and THAT IS AWESOME.
But, seriously, Scott Walker is terrible, a terrible governor with a terrible record full of terrible policies that cause terrible harm to vulnerable people, who believes that he has been chosen by god to run for president as a terrible bigot.
* * *
In other news, Republican former governor of Virginia Jim Gilmore ("Who?" Exactly.) has also announced he will be announcing a presidential run. "Pre-game your pre-announcement announcements with Zima!" And of course Republican Ohio Governor John Kasich has also announced an announcement will be announced.
So, by this time next month, there will be at least seventeen Republican candidates, and I will be relocating my office to a sensory deprivation chamber at the bottom of the sea.
Talk about these dipshits! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.
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