Good F#@king Grief

[Content Note: Misogyny; transphobia.]

Media Matters for America has compiled in one six-minute video "70 Awful Displays of Sexism on Fox News." Yes, it continues to be a real mystery why Republicans aren't connecting with a majority of female voters! (She said, for the eleventy millionth time.) This is what I mean when I say that Donald Trump is merely the uncensored id of conservatives, hence his approval numbers going up after his disgusting display of misogyny at and following the first Republican primary debate.

Anyway.

The video is below, and I have transcribed it without names indicating which dipshit is disgorging which putrid utterance of wretched misogyny, because I don't watch Fox News, so I don't even know who most of these assholes are. And, really, who cares. I certainly don't care enough to spend an enormous amount of time identifying each of these jerks! The point is that all of these people are paid handsomely by Fox News to perform precisely this sort of fuckery.

Unless otherwise indicated, the transcribed quotes were said by men. Also: In the below transcript, the | symbol represents an edit in the video to a new clip.


Video Description: The male typically is the, the dominant role. | Didn't we, didn't men give you the kitchen? | There's gotta be some downside to having a woman president, right? Something! | Well, then, I guess if you're in a bar and she slaps you, you punch her in the face. | [showing off cufflinks] This is a caveman dragging a woman by the hair, with a club in one hand and the woman in the other hand. | A ho is a ho, right? | The great doctor McHotty | Why not reward her for a nice body? | Are movies like the Disney smash hit about an ice queen and her sister empowering girls by turning our men into fools and villains? | I think men should be able to veto women's abortions. | [pointing at a woman] "Know your role and shut your mouth!" The woman responds: "My role is a woman." He says: "Yeah, yeah." | "Women are everywhere. We're letting them play golf and tennis now; it's out of control." A woman sitting beside him says: "You know what..." and gets up to leave. | Wolfing down chili dogs with, uh, dietary dominatrix Michelle Obama. | "When you interview her, will she be sitting on your lap?" [laughs] The man he asks replies: "One can only hope!" | [to a woman] "You were, you were actually sweating." The woman says: "Yeah, it was hot as hell out." He replies: "Can we get video of that for next week?" | [about a street harassment video] She is finding fault with men on the street saying hi to her, which may in fact be their only way of contacting women. It's their bar, and she's walking through it. | To be taken seriously, you can't wear skin-tight jeans. | Right. She's a slut. | I don't think anybody would be standing with Wendy in Texas if she, you know, weren't a, a, a handsome woman. | Men are depressed and it's their own fault, because men are allowing women to take over the world. | She is a wonderful actress, and she's got a great body. | The only thing hotter than Brenda's outfit today... | Is there something about the, the female brain that, uh, is a deterrent for getting on board with tech? Is there? | Here's a question that we're almost hesitant to ask, but it's a growing trend in America, so we will: Are female breadwinners a recipe for disharmony within the home? | Babes, chicks—what do you call 'em, Steve—skirts? | A woman anchor says: "I'll give you like a five-second answer." Dude says: "Uhh, I like your top." | A woman anchor says: "Listen, I mean, let men be men." | You know, personally, I would cast Phillip Seymour Hoffman to play Hillary Clinton. | A dude says: "No one cares on their credit cards about ninety-nine cents." A dude replies: "Well, you hope not!" First dude says: "They're worried about their wives' hundred dollars." | It's like a wife and her credit cards—Americans have to be the husband who takes the credit card and breaks it up. | If you could try a case, and you have an asset which is a great body and a great figure, you gotta do everything you can to be successful. | Would that be considered boobs on the ground, or no? | And don't take down her missile defense, if you know what I'm saying. | Dating is legal prostitution. | A dude: "Most women are happier at home! They are pretending that they like working, and they're not making money because they don't stay all night at the office; they don't go the extra mile; they don't work all weekend—" A woman sitting next to him: "Why am I sitting here?!" The dude: "You're making a mistake! You would be much happier at home with a husband and children!" | A woman: "That's why divorce rates are so high; women don't know how to take care of their men anymore." | Shh shh shh chicks shh! | Well, there is a point there; I mean, there is a reason guys sleep with the housekeeper. | Women have become the, uh, breadwinners in this country and a lot of other concerning and troubling statistics. | A dude: "Should, uh, young girls be allowed to play on all-male teams because of the potential for getting hurt?" Another dude: "No! No, there's boys' leagues and there's girls' leagues!" | This sort of feminized atmosphere in which we exist today... | She did it like a typical mommy would... | Migraines may ensure or you'll bleed from your eyes and your nose—or whatever! | Female happiness is an oxymoron. | Aren't women more—I mean, aren't you more prone to be scatterbrained? I mean, you're just all over the place! | Female students at Syracuse University seem to be the only ones getting stimulated from the President's bill. | A dude: "And Judge, when you say 'hot,' you mean exciting, intellectual lawmaker." Another dude: "And a good looker, too!" [laughter] | Who said the following in this last week, Charles? The quote is: 'I love the rumors that I have a penis. The choices are: A. Lady Gaga, B. Elena Kagan... | She needs to drop a few. [women gasp] | If you want to yap about the [Super Bowl] commercials, go watch it on the other TV with the ladies in the kitchen. | Let's be honest: I mean, there's like no French fries in her? That's all kale and carrots? I don't buy it. | I love women, for— Where'd this all get started? I, I, I love the women's movement, especially when walking behind it! | First, Nancy Pelosi: This is a new story today—she's got a pretty good poker face. I think mainly because it's now looking like this all the time [pulls at sides of face to mimic a facelift] | [over two images of Hillary Clinton] Facelift, perhaps? | A woman: "Women are victims of violence all the time—" A dude: "Should have guns!" The woman: "Well, maybe. Or make better decisions." | A woman: "Bad girls, bad women—" [laughter] "—are the ones who like to be naughty, might go out and play and get hurt." | This may not be the first time Lindsay's been spanked. | A dude: "If you were making love with your boyfriend, Andrea, if you're making love with your boyfriend—" A woman: "All right, Beau." The dude: "—and then your phone goes off, you're gonna interrupt it, right?" The woman: "BEAU! Do you realize that it's daytime TV?" | A woman: "Same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea. Yeah, they don't get it." | Thank you, Hooters! | A woman: "And by the way, if you want to rule the world, little girls, you gotta know what the guys like." | A woman: "There's something about feminism that lets them know 'I can do everything that a man does! I can even go after that young boy! I deserve it!'" | When men are married to women who scream like you, they just want to die sooner. | And it's the same reason you show these pictures of the girls, 'cause people at home love the pictures of young girls in bikinis. | What is more stimulating—Kate Upton or this? A lovely granny promoting food stamps. | A woman: "Come on over and make my dinner, willya?" A dude: "Absolutely. I'll jam some stuffing." | [as men leer at a picture of a woman in a bikini in the background] I think the studio crew has found something that has piqued their interest! | Let's take a second and think about Molly's quad development! | [on a street harassment video] If she got a hundred catcalls, let me make it a hundred and one: DAMN, BABY! You're a piece of woman! | A woman: "I have on pants, okay?" A dude: "Wow, pants." The woman: "Now pants were not allowed on Fox & Friends, remember?"

(I did it! Please bring me ice cream.)