Fox has announced the line-up for the first Republican debate tomorrow in Cleveland, and it was precisely as predicted yesterday:
1. Gold Toilet Aficionado Donald Trump
2. Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush
3. Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker
4. Professor of Bible Bigotry Mike Huckabee
5. Dr. Ben Carson
6. Texas Senator Ted Cruz
7. Florida Senator Marco Rubio
8. Kentucky Senator Rand Paul
9. Pugilist Chris Christie
10. Ohio Governor John Kasich
What a terrific line-up! Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee on one stage! The Republican Party must be so proud!
Well, they'll definitely be pretending that they're freaked out about Trump going rogue or whatever, but—and this cannot be said too many times—Trump is the uncensored id of their disgusting party, just plainly stating mainstream conservative positions without varnish, and the Republican Party leadership couldn't be more thrilled (behind closed doors) that he's rallying the base and doing it in such an outrageous way that he can make assholes like Scott Walker look reasonable by comparison.
Meanwhile, the moderators for the debate—Fox News' Bret Baier, Megyn Kelly, and Chris Wallace—are busily readying themselves for this sideshow, and Kelly says they "have a plan" if Trump ignores the rules, "but we're not going to share it with you." Oh you cheeky scamp! I bet their plan is telling Chris Christie he's free to punch Donald Trump in the face now. Frankly, if that's not their plan, they should rethink their plan. You can have that one for free, Fox!
Anyway.
I figured that former Texas Governor Rick Perry would take it pretty hard, being shut out of the debate due to low polling, but I never imagined he'd take it so hard that he'd immediately switch careers and become a stand-up comedian:
GOOD ONE, RICK PERRY! You're definitely a much better comedian than you are a politician! CHOOSE YOUR CHOICE, MY FRIEND!
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