Primarily Speaking

[Content Note: Racism; militarism] As I mentioned yesterday, Sarah Palin endorsed gold toilet aficionado Donald Trump, and the full transcript of her endorsement speech is PRETTY AMAZING! By which I mean incomprehensible argle bargle, as per usual. The two of them together could go on a "THE FUCK?!" speaking tour tomorrow. In fact, they should! They should do that! And never ever get anywhere near politics again.

[CN: Dehumanization] The Republican establishment, still deigning to pretend—OH MY STARS AND GARTERS!—that they have no idea how an extremist like Trump could be leading the GOP field, is really pulling out all the stops (???!!?!?) to try to discredit his campaign: Republican consultant Rick Wilson said of Trump supporters during an interview with MSNBC's Chris Hayes: "The fact of the matter is, most of them are childless single men who masturbate to anime. They're not real political players. These are not people who matter in the overall course of humanity." Holy shit.

In Cruz Nooz: Joe McCarthy impersonator Ted Cruz had a bad day yesterday. Not only did his pal Palin endorse Trump, but the Republican Governor of Iowa, Terry Branstad, said that he would like to see Cruz Looz: "Asked if he'd like the Texas senator to lose, Governor Branstad said, 'Yes. Ted Cruz is ahead right now. What we're trying to do is educate the people in the state of Iowa. He is the biggest opponent of renewable fuels. He actually introduced a bill in 2013 to immediately eliminate the Renewable Fuel Standard. He's heavily financed by Big Oil. So we think once Iowans realize that fact, they might find other things attractive but he could be very damaging to our state. I think it would be a big mistake for Iowa to support him,' Branstad added." Ouch!

Oooh tough talk from thirsty jerk Marco Rubio: When a self-identified atheist asked Rubio how he planned to represent the rights of atheists since he's basically "running as pastor-in-chief and not commander-in-chief," Rubio responded: "You have a right to believe whatever you want. No one is going to force you to believe in God, but no one is going to force me to stop talking about God. I'm not going to force you to pray, I'm not going to force you to go to church. I'm not going to force you to espouse beliefs that you don't have. But no one is going to take away my right and your right to live out the teachings of your faith. No one." Yeah, no one is trying to stop you, Rubio, you mendacious dipshit. Rubio then said no more same-sex marriage or abortions because Jesus.

Shyamalanian surprise less smart brother Jeb Bush, reverse surging oddball Ben Carson, pugilist Chris Christie, corporate power-failure Carly Fiorina, real person Jim Gilmore, professor of Bible bigotry Mike Huckabee, "moderate" John Kasich, proximate apple Rand Paul, and sweater vest supermodel Rick Santorum are all still running for president. Barely.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle...

[CN: Video may autoplay at link] Bernie Sanders, what are you even doing?! "In an interview on MSNBC on Tuesday night, Sanders responded to a question about Clinton's endorsements [from Planned Parenthood and the Human Rights Campaign] with a broad criticism of the 'establishment,' explaining, 'What we are doing in this campaign—and it just blows my mind every day, because I see it clearly, we're taking on not only Wall Street and the economic establishment, we're taking on the political establishment. And so I have friends and supporters in the Human Rights Fund [sic], in Planned Parenthood. But you know what, Hillary Clinton has been around there for a very, very long time and some of these groups are, in fact, part of the establishment."

WHUT.

So, Planned Parenthood and the HRC are part of "the establishment" that Bernie Sanders is taking on? He wants to take on an organization that provides healthcare primarily to poor women and an organization that advocates for queer rights?

Listen, there are legitimate criticisms of the privileged leadership of both of these organizations, and legitimate criticisms of how they sometimes take up all the oxygen and funding from smaller organizations that provide services and do targeted advocacy for marginalized populations, but that doesn't make them part of "the establishment" that needs to be dismantled. Jesus fucking Jones.

And earlier in the day: "Sanders responded to critics who questioned his foreign policy experience by charging that Clinton lacks the judgment needed in foreign affairs because she voted in 2002 to support the war in Iraq. 'No one can deny that Secretary Clinton has a lot of foreign-policy experience. But experience does not necessarily equate to judgment. Dick Cheney had a hell of a lot of experience,' he said in a reference to the former Republican vice president." Yes, Hillary Clinton—just like war criminal Dick Cheney. For fuck's sake.

If this is what a Sanders campaign looks like when he's "not going negative," I'd hate to see what a campaign where he was going negative looks like.

East Coast Gavin Newsom Martin O'Malley is still running for president.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.