The Walking Thread

[Content Note: Spoilers are lurching around undeadly herein. Descriptions of violence.]


I bet that sign says, "Skill Floor."
When last we left our merry band of zombie slayers and human murderers, Grimes Gang had gone on the bestest murdering spree against the Neganites, except whoooooooops they missed some, who took Maggie and Carol and Ted and Alice hostage. It's always something!

The moral of that story is: Make sure you always murder everyone always. Apparently.

So, we're well into the filler episodes now, which means that we spend one hour following a couple of characters doing something in which they're imperiled, but there's no real tension, because we know these characters are going to be just fine.

Which not only makes for boring viewing, but also for boring recapping!

I AM SORRY THAT THIS RECAP IS A DRAG BUT PLEASE DIRECT YOUR COMPLAINTS TO THE WRITERS OF THIS FUCKING SHOW THANK U.

Anyway!

So, Three Mean Misandrists and an Injured Dude (new band name!) take Maggie and Carol to some industrial slaughterhouse (SYMBOLISM) to hold them, while they negotiate with Optimus Grimes via walkie-talkie. The dude that Grimes Gang is holding can fix Injured Dude's arm, so Injured Dude is pretty keen to make a trade, but the Three Mean Misandrists are all: Fuck you, help is on the way, and we ain't trading.

They decide to keep Maggie and Carol alive for "insurance" while their backup makes its way to the slaughterhouse (SYMBOLISM), and they bind and gag Maggie and Carol and throw them on the floor.

A zombie lurches through, and is killed, and as the corpse is dragged across Carol's legs, a rosary is left behind, which Carol pockets.

When their captors return, Carol pretends to hyperventilate, and Maggie urges the Three Mean Misandrists to ungag her. Which they do. And Carol feigns fright and weakness, pleading with them not to hurt Maggie and her unborn baby. They mock her, but fall right into her tricksy hands! They don't even know she's not the meekling she appears to be, but is a full-tilt murder machine!

Injured Dude whines and complains that his arm is going to fall off or whatever, and they tell him to STFU. He and Mean Misandrist #1 get into a physical altercation, and Maggie and Carol maneuver to trip him and help Mean Misandrist #1 defeat him by pistol-whipping his face.

Mean Misandrist #1 tells them they're pathetic for helping. She orders Mean Misandrist #2 to take Maggie away for interrogation, where Maggie refuses to disclose the location of Aarontown. Mean Misandrist #2 tells her: "You're not the good guys. You should know that."

That is actually correct!

There are no good guys in the zombiepocalypse, but Grimes Gang is probably some of the worst guys.

Blah blah the captors and captives trade stories about what happened during the zombiepocalypse to turn them into monsters. They have a cool conversation about how they're all killers. Yup!

Eventually, Mean Misandrist #1 radios Optimus Grimes and tells him to meet them in a field nearby to make the exchange. But she detects a distinct lack of static on the radio and figures Grimes Gang is already close by, maybe even right outside. (Haha they definitely are.)

While no one is looking, Carol sharpens the crucifix at the end of the rosary and uses it to free herself. She finds Maggie, and Carol's all, "Let's GTFO," but Maggie's all, "No, we have to murder all of them."

And you know how it goes on The Walking Dead: MURDER ALWAYS WINS.

So they go back, only to discover Injured Dude has died of his wounds. TOO BAD. They tie him to a post so he will zombie-bite anyone who opens the door. Mean Misandrist #3 opens the door. Oopsy!

Mean Misandrist #2 gets into hand-to-hand combat with Maggie, and slashes at her belly. This makes Carol REAL MAD, so she shoots Mean Misandrist #2 in the head.

Mean Misandrist #1 shows up, and it's all fight fight fight. She asks Carol what she was so afraid of if she's so damn tough, and Carol tells her, "I was afraid of this," before murdering her, too.

Just then, the Neganite backup announces their arrival via walkie-talkie, and Carol tells them to meet them on the Kill Floor. While they wait, Carol and Maggie talk about how they've killed a lot of people. You sure have!

When the backup shows up and wanders onto the Kill Floor, Maggie and Carol shut the door behind them, but not before throwing a lit cigarette into a puddle of gasoline they've spilled onto the Kill Floor floor. Yikes.

They make their way to the exit, where they meet up with Grimes Gang at the door of the slaughterhouse (SYMBOLISM). Maggie and Glenn hug. Daryl asks Carol if she's okay, and she says no, and he hugs her.

Optimus Grimes asks the dude they've taken hostage if Negan is dead. The dude says, as have all the Neganites, "I'm Negan," and Optimus Grimes WHO DOES NOT SUFFER CULT FOOLS, shoots him.

If you're thinking: "Hey, it sure seems like this has become less a show about killing zombies and more a show about killing people," you are correct! This is two solid episodes of just watching the "heroes" kill a bunch of people. But they feel real awkward about it, so.

Next week: More of this garbage.