Man: I AM AGAINST BAD THINGS AND FOR GOOD THINGS.
[Audience stands to applaud his brilliance. Audience throws cash. Audience throws luxury car. Audience throws corner office.]
Moderator: Sir, what is your plan for achieving your goals?
Man: I AM AGAINST BAD THINGS AND FOR GOOD THINGS. I WILL GET RID OF THE BAD THINGS, AND MAKE MORE GOOD THINGS.
Moderator: Ma'am?
Woman: Focusing on making things less bad, here are three strategies. Each has a number of advantages and disadvantages. Depending on circumstances, I envision using one or more of them.
Man: THE FIRST ONE. THE ONE WITH THE THING.
[Audience cheers. Man raises finger.]
Man: AND I WOULD CHALLENGE THIS YOUNG LADY TO DO THE FIRST ONE. YOUNG LADY, WILL YOU PROMISE TO DO THE FIRST ONE, IRRESPECTIVE OF FUTURE CIRCUMSTANCES AND POTENTIALLY DISASTROUS CONSEQUENCES?
[Woman laughs quietly to herself.]
Woman: You heard what I said about my strategy.
[Audience boos]
Man: YOU'VE ALWAYS OPPOSED MY IDEA TO END THE BAD THINGS. WHY DO YOU LIKE BAD THINGS?
[Audience cheers]
[Woman laughs quietly to herself.]
[Audience member yells "She hates the thing!" Audience member yells "She wants things to be bad!" Audience chants man's name.]
Fin.
[I know that's not exactly how things went down, but that's pretty much what it feels like at this point. None of us are getting tenure, it what I'm saying.]
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